#Mathew Barzal Fic

[v6quewrlds]

❝ know no better, m. barzal. ❞  ‎ ‎ ┉  

‎ ‎ ⁎⠀┉⠀summary: with your work responsibilities taking you away from long island, you and mat haven't had much time to blow off some steam. his friends, however, are tired of being on the receiving end of mat's "steam" and enlist you to help.

‎ ‎ ⁎⠀┉⠀author's note: about half way through the nnn series! i am a diva!mat truther so enjoy. day five of my no nut november series.

‎ ‎ ⁎⠀┉⠀warnings: smut, please do not interact with my work if you are under 18. language, established relationship, oral (male receiving), mat’s a lil grump.

‎ ‎ ⁎⠀┉⠀pairing: mathew barzal x reader.

‎ ‎ ⁎⠀┉⠀word count: 2.4k.

You looked up from your laptop, your eyes scanning the crowded airport lounge. The clacking of keyboards and murmur of distant conversations created a familiar backdrop to your focused silence. You sighed, your fingers hovering over the keyboard as you awaited your flight's boarding call. Your phone buzzed, and you picked it up, expecting to see a message from work reminding you of the deadlines that had kept you in Boston for nearly a month. Instead, you found a text from Ethan Bear.

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. You hadn't spoken to Ethan in ages, not since the last time you and Mat had seen him over the summer. 

The message was simple: "Hey, noticed Mat's been on edge lately?" 

You read it again, a hint of confusion creasing your forehead. Of course, you had noticed. Mat's mood swings were like the tides, but you had just chalked it up to the pressure of his season and your demanding work schedule pushing distance between the two of you. 

You typed back, "He makes it hard not to lol he's prob just stressed with the season. Why?"

Ethan's response was swift and to the point. "It's that dumb No Nut November bet. He's losing his shit like a little bitch. Can you fix him?" 

You couldn't help but laugh out loud at the absurdity of it all. Mat, your six-foot hockey player of a boyfriend, reduced to a grumpy mess over a bet? It was almost endearing in its ridiculousness. But Ethan's concern was clear, and you knew you couldn't ignore it. 

You replied, "I'll see what I can do," with a winking emoji, feeling less than guilty for the amusement that bubbled up inside you.

As you boarded the plane, you couldn't shake the image of Mat, all six feet of brooding masculinity, brought to his knees by his own stubbornness. You chuckled to yourself, imagining the look on his face when you told him you knew about the bet. The flight back to Long Island was a blur of work emails and half-hearted attempts at relaxing, your mind racing with ideas to tease him into dropping this absurd challenge.

When you finally stepped into your apartment, the tension hit you like a wall. Mat's heavy footsteps echoed through the hallway, and you could hear him muttering under his breath. You set down your bag and called out, "Honey, I'm home!" with a playful lilt in your voice.

Mat appeared around the corner, his eyes flashing with a mix of relief and annoyance. "Fucking finally," he grumbled, the corners of his mouth twitching slightly in an attempt to suppress a smile.

You rolled your eyes, your amusement clear. "What crawled up your ass?" You stepped closer to him, your eyes sparkling with mischief.

Mat sighed, running a hand through his thick, dark hair. "You wouldn't understand."

You stepped closer, your curiosity piqued. "Try me."

Mat rolled his eyes, his frustration palpable. "It's just this stupid bet with the guys. I can't believe how much it's messing with my head."

Your smile grew. "Oh, the No Nut November bet? That's what's got you all worked up?" You couldn't resist poking the bear. "You know you can just tell them you can't do it, right?"

Mat's jaw clenched, and he glared at you. "It's not that simple. My pride's on the line."

You chuckled, reaching up to cup his face in your hands. "Okay, tough guy," you said, your voice gentle and teasing. "But if it's really bothering you, maybe you should just, I don't know, not do it?"

Mat's eyes searched yours for a moment, and you could see the conflict in his gaze. He was torn between his pride and his desire to end the torment. You decided to take matters into your own hands. You leaned in, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. "I have an idea," you murmured against his skin. "How about I help you relieve some of that tension?"

His eyes widened, and you knew you had his attention. "How?" he asked, his voice gruff with hope.

You stepped closer, your hands sliding down to his chest, your thumbs tracing the firm muscles beneath his shirt. "How about I give you a little something to take your mind off of it?" you suggested, your voice dropping to a sultry whisper. You saw the spark of interest in his eyes and knew you had him in your grasp.

Mat's expression softened slightly, his eyes flickering with curiosity and a hint of desperation. "What are you thinking?" he asked, his tone cautious.

You smirked. "I could give you a reason to lose the bet?" you offered, your voice laced with playful challenge. You watched as the realization dawned on him, and his eyes grew dark with need.

"Did someone set you up to this?" he asked, his voice thick with suspicion, trying to hide his growing excitement.

"Let's just say I have my ways of finding things out," you replied with a wink. You could feel the tension in the room start to ease as Mat's curiosity took over.

Mat looked at you skeptically. "Alright. But if you're just messing with me..."

You giggled, standing on your tiptoe to whisper in his ear, "I'm not messing with you, baby." Your breath was warm and sweet, sending a shiver down his spine. "I want to help."

Mat stared at you for a moment, trying to gauge your seriousness. He was desperate for relief, and the thought of losing the bet was becoming increasingly more appealing by the second. With a huff, he stepped back, his arms crossing over his broad chest. "Okay, fine. What do you have in mind?"

You took a step closer, your eyes never leaving his. "Well, I was thinking..." you trailed off, your hands moving to the hem of his shirt, "maybe I could help you relax." You began to lift his shirt, your hands gliding over his abs, your manicured nails lightly scraping against his skin. "You know, just a little something to take the edge off."

Mat's resolve was crumbling. The feel of your hands on him was too tempting to resist. He let out a gruff chuckle, trying to maintain his tough exterior. "You're really going to do this?"

Your smile grew mischievous as you continued to lift his shirt, exposing his toned stomach. "Mmhmm," you hummed, your eyes flicking up to meet his. "I think it's only fair that if you're going to be a grumpy mess, I get to enjoy the perks of helping you out."

Mat's arms fell to his sides, his eyes locked on yours as you continued to explore his torso with your fingertips. "And what perks would those be?" he asked, his voice low and gruff with anticipation.

Your smile was sly. "Well," you said, your thumbs grazing the waistband of his sweatpants, "I was thinking I could give you a nice, long, slow release."

Mat's eyes darkened, and he took a sharp intake of breath. "Fuck it," he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. He leaned in, capturing your mouth in a fiery kiss that sent shockwaves through your body. Your fingers tangled in his hair as you gave in to the passion you had been craving for weeks.

The two of you stumbled into the bedroom, the door slamming shut behind you. You pushed him down onto the bed, your body straddling him. You could feel his heart racing under you, his chest rising and falling rapidly. You took a moment to appreciate the sight of him, his muscles taut and his eyes filled with a desperate need that made your own pulse quicken.

Mat's hands found the zipper of your jacket, his fingers fumbling with the fabric as he tried to get it off of you. You laughed and helped him, shrugging out of the jacket and tossing it aside. You leaned in again, your mouth tracing a line of kisses down his neck and chest, feeling his body respond to your touch. His breathing grew ragged, and you knew you had him exactly where you wanted him.

As you kissed down his body, you felt the tension in Mat's muscles start to unwind. You could feel the heat radiating from him, and you knew that you were winning the battle against his pride. With a knowing smile, you began to undo the drawstring of his shorts, your eyes focused on his.

"Missed this pretty, perfect dick," you murmured against the fabric of Mat's shorts, your voice muffled and playful. Mat's body tensed in anticipation as you slowly pulled them down, revealing him to your gaze. You took a moment to admire him, your eyes sparkling with a mix of humor and desire.

Mat groaned, his hands gripping the bed sheets. "You're evil, you know that?"

Your eyes gleamed with victory. "Only when it's for your own good," you teased, your fingertips brushing against his arousal. You watched his reaction, his eyes rolling back slightly, raven hair beautifully contrasting the crisp white sheets.

Mat's hand reached up to tug at your hair, urging you closer. "Just do it," he begged, his voice a mix of frustration and need.

You chuckled, your eyes sparkling with mischief. "Pushy," you said, your voice low and soothing. You leaned down, your warm breath fanning across his skin. Mat shivered as you pressed a kiss to the tip, your lips curling into a smug smile at his gasp. You took your time, teasing him with feather-light kisses and gentle strokes, your tongue swirling around the head of his cock.

Mat's eyes were squeezed shut, his teeth grinding together. "Baby," he ground out, his voice a desperate plea. You conceded and took him into your mouth, your movements slow and deliberate, savoring his taste and the sound of his moans. His hips bucked upwards, and you held him down with a firm hand, keeping the pace at a torturous crawl.

Your eyes flicked up to meet his, watching the myriad of emotions playing across his face: surprise, pleasure, and a hint of embarrassment at his loss of control. You took him deeper, your cheeks hollowing as you sucked gently, and he swore, his hands fisting in the sheets. The salty tang of his sweat mingled with the faint scent of his cologne, and you felt a thrill of power knowing you could bring this strong, confident man to the brink of madness with just your mouth.

Mat's thighs tensed beneath you as you increased your pace, your hand pumping in time with your mouth. His breath grew ragged, his body trembling with the effort to hold back. You took him deeper still, your throat tightening around him, the sensation of his impending climax thrumming through your body.

"Shit," Mat groaned, his voice tight with need. "C’mon, babe, I can't..."

You released him slowly. "You can't what, baby?" you whispered, your voice like velvet against his sensitive skin.

His eyes flew open, and he stared at you, desperation warring with the need to maintain his pride. "I'm gonna come, baby," he warned, his voice strained.

You pulled back slightly, your eyes gleaming. "Mmm, I know," you said, your voice a sweet taunt. With a devilish smile you held his gaze as you stuck your tongue out, a line of saliva connecting your mouth to his glistening cock. Mat's hips jerked upwards involuntarily, his eyes widening with shock and pleasure.

"You're gonna lose that bet," you whispered, your breath warm against his sensitive skin. Mat's jaw clenched, and he nodded, the fight draining out of him. His hand reached for you, guiding you back down to him. "Good boy," you murmured, your mouth enveloping him again.

Mat's hips began to thrust slightly, his movements growing more urgent. You felt a rush of wetness between your legs, your own desire spiking at the sound of his desperate moans. You tightened your grip, your tongue swiping against the underside of his shaft. His hips bucked harder. With one last, deep suck, you felt him pulse in your mouth, the warmth of his release flooding your mouth.

Mat's body went rigid as he came, his breath hitching in his throat. You swallowed, your eyes never leaving his. You licked your lips, savoring the taste of him, and gave his cock one last gentle kiss before sitting back on your heels. You watched him, his chest heaving and eyes glazed over with pleasure.

For a moment, there was silence, broken only by your ragged breathing. Then Mat's face contorted into a mix of frustration and relief. "Fuck," he muttered, collapsing back onto the bed. "How bad was I?"

You grinned, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. "Oh, you were pretty bad," you teased, your voice light and playful. "Ethan texted me about it. Said you were being a little bitch."

Mat's face reddened as he buried his face in a pillow, muffling his groan of embarrassment. You couldn't help but laugh, your eyes sparkling with amusement. "It's okay," you said, your voice gentle. "You're my little bitch."

Mat threw the pillow at you, his laughter joining yours. "Fuck off," he said, his voice muffled by the fabric.

You caught the pillow and tossed it aside, your smile widening. "It's all love, baby," you said, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "But seriously, you okay?"

Mat took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, I'm good." He sat up, running a hand through his hair. "I just didn't know it would get to me like this."

Your expression softened, and you cupped his cheek, your thumb brushing over the stubble that had started to form. "No more dumb bets?" you asked, your voice a gentle reprimand.

Mat sighed, his eyes meeting yours with a hint of vulnerability. "No more dumb bets," he agreed, his voice gruff. He leaned into your touch, his eyes closing briefly. "I'm sorry for being such an asshole."

Your smile was warm, your thumb continuing to stroke his cheek. "You should probably apologize to Ethan. Whatever you did to him, it's gotta be bad if he's asking for my help."

Mat chuckled, his irritation fading. "I'll text him later, tell him you talked some sense into me." He pulled you closer, his arms wrapping around your waist. "Thank you, baby." He kissed you, the affection in his touch making your heart flutter.

[islesnucks]

𝓿𝓸𝓲𝓬𝓮𝓶𝓪𝓲𝓵 - Mathew Barzal x Reader

Summary: what started as an accidentall voicemial to your ex boyfriend ended up becoming routine and maybe even more TW: none that i can think of

Word count: 3.9k A/N: completely made up game schedule btw

Masterlist Add yoruself to the taglist if you wanna be notified when i post the fic!

-

“Hey, it’s Mat.” His voice echoed through the phone, so familiar yet strangely distant now. You’d heard him speak in interviews, but this was different. He was addressing you, or at least the voicemail version of you. “I can’t answer right now, so you know what to do.”

You didn’t know what to do. Calling your ex-boyfriend, the one you had broken up with months ago, wasn’t something you had exactly planned. Yet, when the acceptance email for the program you had worked tirelessly for arrived, the one he had witnessed you pour your heart into, he was the person you wanted to share it with. So that’s what you were doing, trying no to overthink it before nerves got the best of you.

“Mat, hi. This is so random—H-how are you?” Thank God he didn’t answer, you were a stuttering mess leaving a voicemail imagine if it had been him on the other end instead. “I got in! Into the program I mean. I don’t know why, but I wanted to tell you. You helped me so much before—” you cut yourself again. It didn’t feel right to mention the break up like that, but what could you say? Before I broke up with you? Before I stumbled out of your apartment leaving you behind without an explanation?

“Fuck it. I can’t do this.” You pulled your phone away from your ear and touched the red dot.

That’s it. He didn’t need to know, he probably wouldn’t even care. Who would want their ex to call to tell them they were doing great? That maybe after all the breakup was worth it because they had gotten into the program they had neglected their relationship for? Too long, right?

A second later, realization struck like lightning – you had ended the call before deleting the voicemail. It had been sent.

“Oh no, no, no!” you exclaimed, eyes widening in horror. There was no turning back. Mat would undoubtedly hear you stumbling over your words. Why couldn’t you have just left well enough alone? The last thing he needed was you barging back into his life with a pathetic voicemail about something he likely moved on from. ‘He probably already despises me after how everything unfolded, and now this’ you thought.

You were wrong, because no longer than 5 minutes after everything had gone down your phone was buzzing in your hand, Mat’s contact bright in the center as he now waited for you to pick up for a change.

“Mat.” you picked up.

“Hey. You called me?” He sounded confused, for very obvious reasons. Nevertheless it was nice to hear his voice now directed at you.

“Yeah, right. I left you a voicemail.” You rolled your eyes. At least you sounded less nervous than earlier on the voicemail, but it was not less embarrassing.

Mat’s voice came through, cool and collected. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t check. I just saw the missed call and, you know.”

“Sure, sure.” you replied, trying to sound half as calm as he seemed to be with the whole situation.

“Do you want me to hear it or …” his offer hovered in the air.

“No! I mean, I can tell you.” You cringed at the thought of him hearing your rambling voicemail. “So, I called because I just got the mail. I got into the program!”

“Shut up! That’s great! Congratulations!” Mat’s excitement burst through the line. Your heart melted a little. After everything that had happened he sounded genuinely happy for you.

“Thank you, Maty.”

Mat’s tone softened. “You deserve it, after all the hard work you put into it. I knew you’d get it.”

You chuckled, the tension easing. “I know, I know. You told me like a million times. I was just insecure.”

For a second you let yourself imagine this was under other circumstances. You were still together and he was calling you right after practice or from another city in one of his roadies. He’d come back home eventually and hug you so tight you wouldn’t be able to breath, probably lift you up and spin you around a little. You wouldn’t be able to stop laughing and-

“I know …” Mat’s response brought you back to reality. The reality in which he wouldn’t knock on your door with his arms wide open.

His tone carried an easy understanding. He definitely knew about your insecurities. They played a huge role on why your relationship was the way it was right now: nonexistent.

“So that’s what the voicemail said?” He broke the silence.

“Yeah, basically. But you know, all giddy and stuff. Really embarrassing.”

Mat’s laughter grew louder, and you could practically see him shaking his head. “Oh, really? Well, now I have to hear it.”

“No, no, no.” you protested, your embarrassment deepening. “Seriously, don’t Barzal. I know where you live.”

But Mat insisted, his curiosity piqued. “Come on! Embrace the cringe. It can’t be that bad.”

He ended the call before you could object anymore, only to call you back a minute later. Mat’s laughter erupted again as soon as you picked up, and you couldn’t help but join in, the shared humor dissipating the lingering awkwardness. If you closed your eyes you could almost picture him with that scrunched up nose as he laughed.

“The ‘fuck it, i can’t do this’ was the best part by far.”

-

The familiar buzz of the MSG postgame show filled the cozy confines of your living room as Mat’s name flashed brightly on your phone, catching you off guard. Shannon and Hickey were in full praise mode, replaying Mat’s epic goal on loop, and there he was, the main attraction, waiting on the other end of the line for you to pick up.

You fumbled for your phone, a grin tugging at the corners of your lips as you swiped to answer. “Hey, I didn’t expect your call.” you remarked, the commentator’s voices still ringing in your ears.

“Bad timing?” Mat’s voice crackled through the phone, a hint of breathlessness underscoring his words – probably still riding the adrenaline high from the ice.

“No, no. It’s just that a second ago you were on my screen falling all over the ice.” you teased, imagining his less-than-graceful moments on the rink.

“I don’t fall that much!” he argued, sounding mildly offended.

“You do, but you also score, so it’s forgiven. Congrats on your almost hatty, by the way.” You chuckled, knowing how much he loathed falling a goal short. Always so hard on himself. 

Mat scoffed, clearly annoyed at missing the mark. “So, you watched tonight?”

“Obviously, I watch every game I can catch.” you replied, the excitement of the game still coursing through your veins. The thrill of watching Mat succeed, even from a distance, even after all that happened, was undeniable.

“You should come, you know. I’m sure the girls would love to see you.” Mat suggested, his voice tinged with a hint of longing.

“I don’t know, Mat. It’s not my place anymore.” you hesitated, letting the uncertainty hang in the air. You had to change the subject before your mind started spiraling.  “Anyway, why did you call?”

“Oh, right. I listened to your voicemail again!”

“So you called to tell me you haven’t actually deleted it like you promised?”

“I heard it right before the game and got 2 goals and 2 assists. I think it’ll become my new pregame ritual, honestly.” Mat admitted, his voice softer now, laced with a hint of nostalgia. Why had he chosen to hear it? That’s something he would save for himself for now. The shared memories of your past flitted between you, unspoken but palpable.

“Really? Want me to send embarrassing voicemails before every game?”

“I’d love it. Yes, please.” Mat replied with a laugh, the warmth of his laughter washing over you like a comforting embrace. The playful banter held a certain intimacy, a bridge between past flames and the uncharted territory of what lay ahead.

The banter flowed seamlessly, a blend of shared history and the current moment. The familiarity was comforting, but the unspoken complexities of your past lingered in the air, a delicate tension.

-

NYI vs. TBL - November 5th

“Hey, Barzy. I don’t know if you were joking or not but here’s your pregame embarrassing voicemail as solicited. You weren’t serious, right? Well fuck it, enjoy it or ignore me whatever.”

NYI vs. CGY - November 7th

“Just walked past that coffee shop where we had our third or fourth date I think. Remember how you choked over your latte when I lied and said I loved the Rangers?”

NYI vs. SEA - November 9th

“Hey, you won’t believe who I just saw. That guy that lives in the building across the street, the one that has your face tattooed on his left arm. He asked about you, told me to wish you good luck. So good luck from him … and from me. Good luck tonight.”

NYI vs. VAN - November 11th

“Hi! Your sister told me your family is going tonight, so send them a kiss from me, ok? … I-I keep in touch with her, I don’t know if you knew that or like maybe I should’ve told you? Are you ok with that? I’m sorry I just assumed you would be. Anyway, good luck! Say hi from me! Or don’t if you don’t want to-”

NYI vs. NYR - November 16th

“Dude. Rangers tonight. Don’t mess it up. May have bet on you guys with a guy from work, I don’t wanna have to pay for his lunch tomorrow. Please. Good luck, 13.”

NYI vs. PIT - November 18th

“Shit, shit, shit. Hope you can hear this before the game. I’m still getting used to the program’s schedule and all of that, I’m kind of a mess right now. Anyway, good luck!”

NYI vs. DET - November 20th

“Maty, hi! I know this is kind of dumb because I saw you like 10 minutes ago and I’m in the building but still thought I should leave the voicemail just in case. (Come on!) Ok I have to go, Sydney has a tone of gossip to catch me up on. Good luck!”

NYI vs. DAL - November 23th

“Hello Mr Barzal, I won’t be able to watch tonight, but still good luck! Even if you don’t win, I hope you score a goal, make an assist. That 8 game point streak you have going on is insane. I think I’ll start charging you for this if they are working so well.Good luck Barzy!”

NYI vs. STL - November 26th

“Hey! First of all, good luck! Second, I left my scarf at the Lee’s last night. It’s red, I was wearing it when you picked me up. Grace said Anders would give it to you tonight. Maybe we can meet for coffee tomorrow so you can give it back? Anyway, good luck!”

NYI vs. CHI - November 28th

“13, hello! I don’t have anything funny to tell you today so just good luck! Love you- shit, sorry. Habit I guess. Bye.”

NYI vs. NYR - November 30th

“You have zero new voicemails. To record a new personal greeting press one-”

-

You tried everything to get your mind off it, but it wasn’t working. The cup of tea was now cold in your hand and you couldn’t even pretend to care what was going on in the movie you had playing on your tv. The game had ended an hour ago but it was on replay in your mind.

It was silly to think it was your fault. You couldn’t influence the score of the match, the 5-1 loss against the Rangers wasn’t on you. However the outcome would’ve been different if their starplayer hadn’t been taking stupid penalties, losing the puck, causing turnovers. That could be on you partially.

The bell ringing caught you by surprise, almost dropping the cold tea. You got up to answer, even though you had a feeling you knew who was waiting by your building’s door.

“Hello?”

“It’s me.” The familiar voice needed no introduction.

“Mat? What are you doing here?” 

“Buzz me in.” he requests, and you could practically hear the determination in his tone. With a resigned sigh, you pressed the buzzer, knowing full well he wouldn’t leave until he got what he came for.

A few moments later, a knock sounded at the door, and you found yourself face to face with him. Determination was bright in his eyes, your heart started racing.

“What’s going on?” He rolled his eyes, clearly not impressed by your attempt at pretending not to know why he’s there.

“You didn’t leave a voicemail.” Mat strided in without waiting for an invitation, and the unspoken tension was palpable.

“Right, that. I guess I forgot. Sorry.” you lied, trying to sound convincing but knowing there’s no use, he’d know. You closed the door behind him almost instinctively, as if shutting out the forthcoming emotional storm that’s about to break in your apartment.

“You’ve been sending me a voicemail before every single game for the past month.” he remarked, his gaze keenly picking up on your avoidance. Frustration started to take over. He already had been in this position before, begging you for explanations and all you did was look away. “Please, don’t shut me out. Not again.”

“I got confused, okay? Why are we doing this? I’m your ex-girlfriend, I broke up with you, Mat. And now I’m going to your games and sending you voicemails every game? What even is this?”

At some point you started walking all over the living room, the distress was clear. Mat was better at hiding it, he stood still by the door like he had been since he walked in, but you could see his hands fidgeting. Neither of you had a clear head to take on what was about to come, chaos was inevitable.

“I don’t know, but I thought you liked this. I thought it was like an inside joke, our own thing.”

“It was that. But you’re not supposed to have that with your ex.” you said, trying to emphasize the last word for him, as if a reminder of your status would help the situation in any way. 

“We’re friends?” He furrowed his brows, and, had it not been for the situation you were in, you would’ve laughed at the way even he sounded so unsure of what he was saying.

“Mat, come on. It’s confusing, I know I was getting confused. It started with the voicemails, which was already something, but then we’re talking every day, I’m going to your games again and team’s gatherings, we’re hanging out again. I said ‘I love you’ on my last one!” You finally looked at him, baring it all. There was only one solution in your mind and it had to be taken no matter the pain it would undoubtedly cost you. “I think it’s better if we stop.”

There was a moment of silence, he looked at you as if trying to read through the wall you were hiding behind. Trying to decipher if it was you speaking or your insecurities had taken over again. Most importantly, trying to figure out if this time he had what it took to get to you before he lost you.

“I don’t want it to stop.” he said, determination clear in his voice. In a second he closed the gap between you. The proximity caught you off guard, you couldn’t remember the last time you were this close. “Tell me you don’t feel anything.” It sounded almost like a beg, but he didn’t care.

“We broke up.” you insisted, trying to sound all resolute.

“You broke up with me.” he corrected you, his gaze holding steady, slicing through your defenses.

“We weren’t working, Mat! We could barely see each other, and when we did, we were too tired or stressed. We fought a lot. We broke up.” It sounded almost childish the way you stubbornly persisted on it, like you needed to reassure yourself more than him how things had played out last time.

“Couples fight sometimes; it’s normal. I was stressed about the playoffs, and you were stressed about getting into the program. It was a bad moment, yes, but that’s over.”

“Other problems are gonna come up.”

“We can face them together, we fight and make up. That’s it, that’s how couples work.”

You paused for a second, it made no sense to keep on repeating yourself. It seemed like he had a solution for every obstacle you presented. He had come here for answers, it was time to give them to him even if you were answering older already forgotten questions.

“I was scared, Mat. I was scared and insecure, and it felt like I was ruining it all.” Tears start rolling down your face and there’s nothing he wants more than to hug you, keep you close to his chest, push the pain away; but he knows he shouldn’t. You’re finally letting down your guard, telling him what he’s been dying to hear for months; he has to give you space to be vulnerable. “I thought it was better to break things up before they got really nasty.” your voice wobbled.

“I get it, I really do. But you could’ve told me and I should’ve been more present, not left you alone to deal with our problems. We could’ve tried to make it work. ” He looked deep into your eyes, his own reflecting a mix of understanding and unwavering love. “I know I loved you more than enough to work through it.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry about how I ended things, and I’m sorry about the voicemail and all the mess I’ve caused.” You tried to walk away from him, the proximity being too much, but he caught your arm making you face him once again.

Tears started streaming down his face as you tried to grapple with the weight of your own decisions. He looked you in the eyes, the determination from earlier is still there, even behind the tears those glossy eyes told you he wasn’t gonna leave in silence like last time. This time he had to leave it all out, even if he ended up hurt in the process.

“When you first called me I was too nervous to answer so I let it go to voicemail. I think even then I knew it wasn’t over for me, I knew hearing your voice would bring it all back.” You winced, acutely aware of the emotional turmoil you’ve caused. What you didn’t know was he wasn’t worried about pain coming back; what worried him was all the love he had for you and had pushed away after the break up coming back and once again not having where to put it.

“But then I wanted to hear you, the real you, not the voicemail, so I called you. I cannot tell you how happy it made me to hear you, like my heart was beating again after months of numbness. And you were telling me this great news, when you got that acceptance letter you wanted to tell me.” he continued, and you released a heavy breath, a half-smile forming on your face. He was right, the first person you wanted to share your triumph with was him, you hadn’t thought much about it back then but no it was so clear.

“I replayed your voicemail before the game that first time because I wanted to hear your voice. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I heard you over the phone earlier that day, and all I wanted was to hear you again talking to me.” he confessed, a mixture of vulnerability and longing in his words. “At first I thought maybe I was making it up, you know? Maybe it was just my unresolved feelings, maybe there was nothing going on. But you called me first and then you kept on sending the voicemails. Things were going back to the way they were before. It felt like I was me again, like we were us again.”

Mat smiled thinking how everyone could notice; his friends, his teammates, his family, everyone could see the old Mat was back. He told them off, too afraid to consider you were all he was missing because he knew he didn’t have you back, not yet.

His hand gently cupped your face, sending a shiver down your spine. Closing your eyes, you leaned into his touch. You missed it, there was no denying it anymore. You missed it all too much—his touch, his voice, his energy, his very presence. Him.

“You said ‘I love you’ on the last voicemail. I replayed it like 20 times at least, just to hear those three words. From you, to me.” The weight of those three words hung in the air between the two of you after so long, it was electrifying. Your heart raced; he was about to say it, and you yearned to hear it.

“I love you.” he declared, and there was no ambiguity this time. It wasn’t a recall of your words; this time, it was his confession to you.

“Maty…” was all you managed to say; his nickname laden with tenderness and echoes of old fears that still lingered.

“I want this. I want you even if I can only see you two times a week and even if half that time you are studying or working or stressing over both. I want to be there with you. I want to fight and make up. I want all of it, the messy and ugly included.”

“I love you.” you finally whispered.

It was over. He loved you, you loved him, and there was nothing left to say.

In that breath-holding moment, he leaned down, his lips finally touching yours. It’s not just a kiss; it’s a wild ride through forgiveness, longing, and the silent agreement to dive back into the messy and the beautiful, hand in hand. He was smiling into the kiss, so were you. The taste of salt from their tears lingered, mingling with the sweetness of the moment. The kiss spoke of second chances and the magic of beginnings, a promise to rewrite the story that had once unraveled.

You pulled away, breathless and teary-eyed, yet a radiant joy painted across your faces. You laughed, a melody of relief and newfound hope. One of his hands was on your back as the other traveled from your face to the back of your head, pulling you against his chest. Your arms hugged his torso tight.

“I love you.” he mumbled against your head before placing a kiss on top.

-

NYI vs. MTL - December 1st

“Hey! Good luck tonight babe-”

“I don’t think it counts if I’m literally next to you when you record it.”

“Shush. Who’s the voicemail expert here? Me. Anyway, as I was saying before you interrupted me: good luck tonight, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

-

soooooo it’s here! hope you like it! like and reblogs are always appreciated!

it felt so good to write again and to share it too, hope i have more time this year to write more stuff

taglist:

@glassdanse @2manytabsopen @barbienoturbby @sweetlittlegingy @mcsteamylove98 @ttylfedora @chieflawyerpastatoad @iwantahockeyhimbo @fallinallincurls @jordiee95 @heatherawoowoo @barzysreputation @farabeezers @4ambagelbites @matwith1t @audryaho @maximoff-xmen @astrydis @joelsfarabees @bitchforbarzy @deloughrey @brias1201 @besthockeyfics @ya-pucking-nerd @hoiyheadharpies @mckenna4 @rosesvioletshardy @hockeyunits @siriusly-parker @ilyasorokinn @lam-ila @boqvistsbabe @theycallmecassie @ephemeral371 @hal3ynicol3 @angelblooddevil @besthockeyfics @beauvertime @picked-off-by-barzal @1316 @cherrygirl1229 @lunabean @random-readers-world @poufsouffle21 @barzysbaby @matbarzal13 @alwaysclassyeagle @wanbach23 @evaggreendaily

[prettytoxicrevolver]

August | Mathew Barzal

wc. 2.7k

"August slipped away into a moment in time, cause it was never mine. "

You had always kept an eye on Mat Barzal’s budding career. 

Growing up with the up and coming hockey player you always knew Mat as the dorky kid in your Algebra class. However, when he was drafted by the New York Islanders in 2015, you couldn’t help the glances towards his career every now and then. Everyone saw him as a hometown super star and you weren’t immune to the affects of celebrities unfortunately. 

You had stayed in your hometown, wanting to help out your parents as they started getting older and you found a teaching job not too far away too. It was the perfect balance and you were happy with your summers off and free time. You subconsciously knew the hockey season had ended in the middle of April overall and when the Islanders were knocked out of playoffs at the end of the month, your mind had wandered to Mat once more, and you couldn’t help the casual google search. 

When you discovered that he had plans to come home from the summer you were intrigued. Why come back to your hometown after traveling all over the United States and having more than enough money to travel all over the world? Of course, you wouldn’t find the answer to that until later. 

You didn’t expect to see Mat around your hometown. It was small but not small enough for you to run into a boy you hadn’t seen in years. You didn’t even expect for him to recognize you and yet you still did it anyway. 

You were driving to the beach, wanting a break from everything and to just sit with the wind blowing through your hair and your book in your hands. It had to be close to midnight and your habit of not being able to sleep was creeping up on you again. You didn’t expect to see anyone else on the road at this point but you could recognize him a million miles away. 

You’re still not sure what prompted it, but you found yourself slowing down on the road. 

“Mat?” you called and watched as he paused in his step and you laid on the breaks in your car till you were at a full stop. 

You watch with curious eyes as Mat walks towards your car before leaning over and peering into your passenger side. When he spots you, a look of recognition and then slight shock washes over him. 

You can’t help the light laugh that washes over you at his shock, a reaction to the absurdness of the Mat Barzal being in your hometown. 

“Oh my god,” you let out quietly and Mat tilts his head at the words. “Get in.” 

You gesture for Mat to hop in your car and you’re surprised even by your own actions. Mat takes it in stride though, climbing into your best up old car and clicking his seatbelt like this whole interaction was completely normal. 

“Let’s drive,” he finally responds and you step on the gas. It’s quiet for a moment as you drive and eventually you turn to look at him. 

“How have you been?” you ask, the question feeling odd but a glance at Mat shows him nodding in response. 

Your original route towards the beach is paused opting to just drive around your small town as you and Mat catch up. You tell him about what you’ve been doing since high school, how college was and how your job now is. He tells you all about the NHL and training and how lucky he has been to play professionally. 

“I’ve kept track of your career,” you mention as nonchalantly as you can afford. 

“Really?” Mat says and he can’t help the jolt of happiness that hits him at your words. 

“Vaguely. You’re supposed to have a 50 goal season this year or something?” you say but there’s a note of teasing in your voice. 

“Something like that,” he grins back at you and that smile has your heart zapped. 

“Shit I’m almost out of gas,” you curse quietly. 

You look over to Mat who offers an almost imperceptible shrug and you nod slightly. You start to head in the direction of your apartment, realizing that it’s almost 2 in the morning. You didn’t even feel the tiredness in your body just yet. 

When you get to your apartment, you tell Mat to keep quiet since your roommate was definitely asleep already. You both sneak in, collapsing onto your bed as Mat shuts the door behind him. He relaxes next to you, continuing the conversation you started in the car. 

Your eyes trail his features as he talks and you’re suddenly struck at how beautiful the man in front of you was. He was damn near a Greek god, chiseled features, bright brown eyes, flowy hair that falls over his eyebrows occasionally. He could have been a model if he wasn’t a hockey player. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” you blurt out, feeling all of 16 again staring at him. 

Mat nods in response and you take a deep breath, leaning closer as your eyes flicker from his to his lips. You try not to over think this, reminding yourself of the unspoken tension surrounding the two of you ever since he got into your car. 

When your lips ghost over his you can’t help the exciting pound of your heartbeat that only goes crazier when Mat pushes forward, truly connecting your lips. Your hand tangle in his hair as he carefully maneuvers you onto your back. His knee is pressed between your legs and his presence is so overwhelming you feel like you can’t breathe. 

He pulls back, granting you much needed air and after placing a few kisses on your exposed neck, he looks you in the eyes again. 

“Are you sure?” he asks breathlessly and you flush under his intense gaze. 

“I’ve never,” you trail off, the implication of your silence saying everything else. Your inexperience rolling off you in waves that Mat takes in strides. 

“But yes,” you tell him nodding and he smiles and meets your lips once more. 

The next morning you’re awoken by movement and a feeling of confusion takes over until you see Mat laying next to you and your cheeks flush at the memories of last night. As your eyes gaze over his features, you’re hit with the question what now? You had never done anything like that before and you gave it to a boy you went to school with and connected again with after one night? What were you thinking? 

Before you can spiral any further, Mat wakes up turning to see you and there’s an unreadable look in his eyes. 

“Good morning,” you whisper and Mat smiles lightly. 

“Morning,” his voice is rough from sleepy and the scratch in his tone sends a shockwave through you. 

“What time is it?” He asks, now sitting up and reaching for his phone. When he checks it, his expression changes quickly to one of frustration. 

“Ah fuck,” he curses and you tilt your head in his direction, a form of a question towards him. 

“I’m supposed to meet my friend for lunch soon,” he explains and you nod. 

Mat gets up and quickly dresses, running his fingers through his hair in a nervous manner before turning to look at you. Before you can process it, he’s pressing a kiss to your lips and whispering a promise that he’ll call you later tonight. 

When your bedroom door clicks shut, it finally occurs to you what happened last night. You slept with someone for the first time ever. Not just anyone either. Mathew Barzal. 

Your mind starts to scramble and before you have a chance to let your anxiety ruin the whole thing, you reach for your phone. You need to call Gianna. 

Gianna was your best friend ever since middle school. Well, at least you thought she was your best friend, but deep down you knew she preferred her friendship with Inez, a girl who lived in New York that you forget about half the time anyway. 

“Why are you calling me before noon?” she asks when the line finally connects. 

“So I met a guy,” you start, unsure of how to segue into one of the biggest moments of your life. 

“Ooh! This has to be good if you’re calling early.” 

“I slept with him last night,” you blurt out suddenly. 

“You what?” 

You explain the whole situation to her, omitting his name, and more so who he was until the end. When you tell her that he just left and promised to call you tonight, you listen intently as she sighs quietly. 

“Gianna?” 

“Yeah?” she asks, still not offering a full reaction. 

“It was Mat Barzal.” 

The bomb drop leaves the two of you in an awkward silence for more than twenty seconds, each one painfully ticking by and making you flinch inwardly. Gianna knew Mat a bit better than you, the two of them were both on sports teams and their friend circles constantly overlapped. You and Gianna however, had become friends in choir class. 

“I heard he was back for the summer,” is all she says in response and your heart clenches at her uncaring tone. 

“G? I really fucking like him and I’m happy,” you tell her, hoping this admission of feelings pulls more of a reaction out. 

“He’s only here for the summer.” 

“It’s different,” you demand, knowing the underlying meaning in her words. “Last night was amazing.” 

You drown out her response, anger clouding your judgment that Gianna couldn’t be happy for you. You had just slept with a guy for the first time and all she can do is imply he doesn’t care about you? That he’ll go home and everything won’t matter anymore? You hang up shortly after, still slightly fuming that your supposed best friend wasn’t being supportive. 

You knew. 

You knew though deep down, no matter the words you spat at Gianna or the delusional thoughts in your head. You knew you and Mat were going to be nothing after this summer. You just really didn’t want to believe it. 

known there was another girl back in New York. You should have known that she was the one he really wanted. The one he’d give it all for. He was never yours. 

Sometimes you really wished you listened to that doubting voice in your head. 

Maybe this wouldn’t hurt so fucking bad now if you did. 

Mat calls that night, tells you about his day and asks about yours. You make plans to go to the beach tomorrow. Your heart feels lighter when you go to sleep that night. By the time morning arrives, you’ve forgotten all your worries already. 

The knock on your door has an unconscious smile creeping up onto your lips and you jog downstairs and swing it open to see Mat. 

He’s leaning against the door frame, soft smile on his lips, arms crossed over a plain t-shirt and a blue open button down. His legs are crossed in a manner that is so effortless you wonder if he’s even a real human. 

“Ready to go?” 

You nod and he pulls you close, slipping an arm around your shoulder as you walk over to his car. Mat drives to the beach, hand on your thigh and an easy smile on his lips. Your heart raced twice as fast whenever he touched you and you couldn’t help but think you’re in love. 

You get to the beach pretty fast, the two of you finding a place to set up and relax for the day. Mat had been in and out of the water while you had relaxed back in your beach chair and read to your heart's content. You couldn’t think of a better day than the one in front of you. 

Mat flops down onto the beach towel next to you, a bright smile lighting up his perfect features. You gaze at him and he throws a wink in your direction and it feels like your body is lit on fire even just by the thought of him staring at you. 

He lays on his stomach, his head rest on his crossed arms and you find yourself dropping a hand to his back and tracing patterns on his bare skin. You’re tracing your name and then his when you finally break the silence. 

“When are you going back?” 

“Couple of weeks,” he answers noncommittally. 

“Do you think-“ you start to say and just when you’re about to push away the rest of the sentence Mat looks at you expectantly. “Will you call when you get back to New York? Keep in touch?” 

Something flickers in Mats eyes at your question, you’re not sure if it’s sadness or frustration or guilt or what. It seems to pass quickly though, a smile plastered on that doesn’t quite reach his eyes is thrown in your direction as he nods. 

“Of course.” 

You end up in Mats bed that night, twisted in bed sheets, laughs soaring in the air and good feelings wrapping you up so tightly you could almost choke on them. By the end of the night you fall asleep with a smile on your lips and Mat’s arms wrapped around you tight. 

The weeks slipped away from you, warm summer months slipping through your fingers until August arrived. Mat was due back to New York any week now and you found yourself begging for his attention. You dropped anything and everything when he called, something Gianna was getting angry about. 

“Hello?” you answer, looking over at Gianna who gives you an annoyed glance. 

“What are you doing right now?” Mat’s voice greets you and you can’t help the smile that slides on your lips at his voice. 

“Not much. Why?” 

“Meet me behind the mall in 20 minutes?” 

“I’ll be there,” you say, a giddy feeling rising in your chest. 

When you hang up, you stand up searching for your shoes, completely forgetting that Gianna was sitting in front of you. 

“Earth to (y/n)?” she asks and you look over with an awkward smile. 

“So that was Mat,” you start and Gianna huffs in frustration as she stands. 

“So you’re canceling plans again?”

“I only have so much time left with him,” you respond, tugging on one of your sneakers. 

“Of course,” she mutters, anger filling the room. 

“What?” you snap, frustrated that Gianna was still giving you shit for going out with Mat. 

“You’re leaving your best friend for some guy who will leave you in a week?” 

“I’m not-“ you start to retort but she cuts you off. 

“He has a fucking girlfriend in New York!! You’re the other woman!” 

The words are a complete and utter blow. The reality hits you full force and forces you to face the thing you never wanted to. That Gianna was right. That this summer was all you were to Mat. A distant memory. More likely, a mistake he made. 

“Whatever,” you mutter, left with nothing but the last word as you storm out of her apartment. 

You meet Mat behind the mall and he’s quick to hop into your car and press a kiss to your cheek. Your previous argument with Gianna is already fading to the back of your mind. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask Mat when you’re sitting next to him on the beach, the sun setting quietly against the crashing waves. 

“I’m going back to New York tomorrow,” he tells you quietly and the shock is plain on your face. 

“They called me to come back early,” he explains and all you can do is nod slowly at the news. 

“Will you stay until the sun sets?” you ask, the words wavering in your throat. 

“Of course,” Mat tells you but the words sound hollow like he’s already thousands of miles away and in a whole different life again. 

Mat had appeared in your small town like a reoccurring dream, lost memory, and perfect fantasy wrapped up in a six foot tall, brown haired, bright eyed hockey player. For a while you questioned so often if he was even real or not. 

And during that time you let yourself be delusional. Let yourself believe all the times he promised he would call when he got back to New York. That the two of you would stay in touch but as you sat on your bed a week later and no calls from Mat you knew what this was all along. 

And it still hurt just as bad. 

[typical-simplelove]

Welcome to New York - M. Barzal

Here's just a little thing I wanted to share!

It’s been years since you’d seen him last. You still remember that final party the weekend before he left for his first official training camp with the New York Islanders, the true real last time you saw him. You remember giving him a small hug, holding him tight as you wished him luck, a promise to keep in touch soft on your lips. He was one of your closest friends and maybe more, but that never happened, and you wished for nothing but the best for him. 

Now, all these years later, sitting in your small condo, right along the Long Island Rail Road, easy for your commute into Manhattan each day, you hold your phone, the weight heavy both in your hand and on your heart. You lost touch with Mat during his rookie season, but who blames you or him? He was busy being the rookie sensation he was, and you were continuing your education. Even during the summers when you were home, little to no contact occurred. You saw each other from a distance, but nothing ever came of it. 

Now, with a job transferring you to the Tri-State area, you can’t help but think about Mat. His mother thought so, too, because she sent you a text, full of Mat’s contact information, hoping you’d get in contact with him and rekindle that friendship. 

How would you even go about reaching out to him? There was no way it should have been this difficult, though, right? It was just Mat. He was literally just some guy, so what was the point in freaking out about it? In the worst-case scenario, you could just brush it off, claiming his mother made you reach out to him. 

Without thinking, you sent off a small text. You started with a small “hey,” continuing with your name, and a refresher on how you knew him (just in case), before following up with a, 

I recently moved to Long Island for work, so your mother gave me your number. I would love to grab dinner when you’re free and catch up. Let me know!

It took you four attempts to figure out if you used too many formal sentences, a weird amount of exclamation, or had the appropriate tone. By mentioning his mother, it was obvious this was a no-stakes situation. 

After an extensive amount of contemplation, you sent the text. Whatever. He could ghost you, for all you cared, but it didn’t matter. The text was sent. If his mother asked, you could say you tried, and it wasn’t like there were any extreme expectations on your part. It is what it is. 

That is until your phone (perpetually on silent) lit up, signaling a text. He responded. 

Welcome to New York! I’m happy my mom gave you my number because I’d love to catch up. Let me know when you’re free and we’ll figure something out. 

You smiled at his words and tried to ignore the warmth bubbling in your stomach. 

It sounded like a new soundtrack was waiting for you.

[miracleonice87]

17 w barzy pls! i feel like he only ever gets smut or fluff written w him

from m's midnights prompt list

warnings (cw / tw): miscarriage, pregnancy loss, mourning... this one's a doozy, folks 😔 please don't read if these subjects are triggering or sensitive for you

word count: ~2,100

17. Bigger Than The Whole Sky

---

It started as the most typical Isles weekday gameday. Mat woke up an hour before morning skate, kissed your forehead, and rolled out of bed as you snoozed away for just a few more minutes, the early-pregnancy exhaustion hitting you hard the last several weeks. He made himself a coffee, you an Earl Grey, and carried both back to the bedroom where he found you just beginning to stir. You both sipped at your drinks as you went through your morning grooming and threw on athleticwear. Soon, after a playful kiss in the hallway, you were both headed out the door, Mat to the rink and you to the Lees’ to workout with Grace in their home gym. 

At least, with the intention to workout with Grace. 

Instead, your world as you knew it and your greatest dream came crashing down during the short drive to the Lee house.

What started as light cramping quickly gave way to sharp, stabbing pains that had you doubled over in Grace’s doorway by the time you reached their stately home. She knowingly shuffled you inside, alarm bells blaring in her head even as she used her calmest tone and did everything she could to soothe you. Her babysitter quickly led the girls away from the scene, distracting them with an invitation to play princess dress-up in the toyroom down the hall, away from your intensifying sobs.

As Grace guided you toward her car in the garage, your hands gripping hers with knuckles white as you leaned into her for strength, she noticed a figment of every expectant parent’s worst fear… the seat of your grey leggings stained with an unsettlingly substantial amount of blood. 

“Is this it?” you cried. “Is this what it feels like?”

The pit deepened in her gut, her maternal instincts screaming yes. 

“I don’t know, sweetheart,” she answered softly. “We’re gonna go find out, okay? Together.” 

“A-and Mat…”

“I know. Of course.” 

You reached the passenger door, and with one hand Grace opened the adjacent rear door, grabbed one of the girls’ pink travel pillows, and tossed it onto your seat in the hope that it would somehow make you more comfortable on the drive to the hospital. She got you settled into the passenger seat and seconds later, was already rolling down her driveway at a speed faster than she ever hit on a normal day, making an impossible phone call via her hands-free navigation. 

At the other end of that call was her sweet husband, who thank god had gotten caught up talking to one of the assistant coaches about gameplans and hadn’t yet stepped onto the ice for morning skate as Mat had minutes ago. 

Anders looked at his phone with a furrowed brow and a knot in his stomach… Grace never called him when she knew he was at the rink.

“G? What’s going on?” 

That’s when she told him it was you, not herself, who was the reason for the call. 

“Shit… is she…”

“I don’t know. She’s in a lot of pain, Anders.” Which he already knew from your muffled sobs on the speakerphone. He’d never heard you cry before. “She’s bleeding. Get Mat off the ice now and tell him to meet us at the hospital.” 

“Fuck. Okay. Be careful – I’m-I’m hanging up.” 

“Okay. I’ll call you.”

“Yeah.” 

Anders tapped the red button and sat in silence at his stall for the briefest of seconds, running a hand through his hair and blowing out a breath through pursed lips, absolutely dreading what he had to do next. 

He made his way down the tunnel, stopping at the bench instead of immediately hopping out onto the ice. Lane noticed and caught his eye. Anders closed the short gap between himself and his head coach, ducked his head, and explained the situation as quietly and briefly as he could. Lane’s expression went cold, and he offered a slow, single nod, then cleared his throat. 

“I’ll do it if you want me to, but I think you should maybe be the one to…”

Anders cut him off, shaking his head. 

“No… no, he should hear it from me.”

Lane set his jaw, clapped the captain’s shoulder, and fixed his gaze back across the ice with a pained exhale. 

Anders shuffled to the end of the bench at its opening and waited a few moments for Mat to skate past him on a loop. When he did, he called, “Barz.” Hoarse, somber, short. The younger player immediately skidded to a stop, sending snow flying from beneath his blades. 

“What’s up?” he asked, panting. 

Anders swallowed, tucking his chin to his chest for a moment. 

“Leezy? What’s up?” Mat repeated, brow furrowing. 

Anders met Mat’s eyes again and sighed. 

“You gotta go to the hospital, bud,” he said softly, unable to keep his voice from shaking. “Grace just called, and-”

Mat didn’t even let Anders finish his thought before he jumped the threshold and ran down the tunnel, shedding his gear as he went, trying to hold it all in his hands and beneath his arms. Anders followed close behind. 

“Barzy, bud, are you good to drive?”

Mat nodded furiously without so much as a glance Anders’ way. 

“I’ll drive you if you want.”

Mat shook his head. 

“You call me if you need anything, you hear me?”

He was nodding again, and simultaneously busting through the doors of the locker room, where he threw all his gear into his bag, pried off his skates, and tugged on his crewneck and sweats in the blink of an eye before heading for the exit with just his keys and his phone… but he stopped in front of his friend before he could make it that far. 

Anders could see the red already rimming his eyes, and he felt his own throat constricting as he heard Mat’s breath coming in short, stuttering gasps. 

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this, man,” Mat managed between breaths. 

All Anders could do was grab Mat in a crushing hug, the sounds of him clapping Mat’s back echoing in the empty locker room. 

“It never is. I’m sorry.” 

No words appear before me in the aftermath

Salt streams out my eyes and into my ears

Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness

'Cause it's all over now, all out to sea…

The ultrasound screen had been turned off for at least half an hour by now, you and Mat left alone by the doctor for nearly as long, but you still lay flat on your back, wet cheek pressed to the ugly pleather exam table, willing the black screen to turn back on and tell you something different than it already had. Willing this nightmare to end, willing yourself to wake up, willing it not to be true, to be some giant, cruel misunderstanding. 

No words came to your lips, though thousands of them hummed incessantly between your ears, intrusive thoughts even louder than they’d been all morning in the now-silent room. You heard Mat sniffling behind you, felt his lips kissing the back of your hand every few seconds. Before he’d arrived, you had thought you could not possibly ever feel the sting of devastation more acutely than when the doctor had uttered the words “I’m so sorry; you’re miscarrying.” But good god, the second Mat ran through those sliding glass doors in an utter panic, hair wild no doubt from pulling it throughout the entire drive to the hospital, eyes and nose and cheeks pink from crying, lips parted and shoulders rising and falling as he attempted to catch his breath… you realized how wrong you’d been. 

You could handle the pain this would inflict upon you. But seeing Mat suffering just as much… that made you want to crawl in a hole and never see the light of day again. And since that moment, after he’d gathered you in his arms, you’d tried your damndest to avoid making eye contact with him altogether. 

He was sad because of you. Mourning because of you. Depressed and angry and sick and childless because of you. 

And that was simply too much to bear. 

So it was nearly an hour since he’d gotten there and you had yet to look him in the face again. And while looking him in the face was killing you, you not looking him in the face was killing him. 

Nobody won in this situation. It was a lose-lose-lose. 

“Honey, look at me. Please look at me?” Mat begged from your side. 

Unsurprisingly, he was met with silence, and no motion.

“It’s not your fault. Alright? It’s not your fault, babe,” he said firmly, squeezing your hand. “I need you to hear that.”

More silence. It wasn’t even that you wouldn’t speak, it was that you simply couldn’t. 

Mat sighed, using his free hand to swipe at the never-ending tears streaming down his cheeks. Then, he trailed his palm along the length of your arm. 

“You can be as quiet as you want for as long as you want, baby, because this is an awful fucking thing that’s just happened to us, to you,” he spoke, voice wavering. “But I’m gonna keep talking because I’ve gotta make sure you know that this isn’t because of anything you did, or didn’t do. Like the doctor said, these things happen for reasons we’ll never know. And I’m not upset with you. I’m not mad at you. I could never be mad at you. I love you.” 

You closed your eyes, swearing your eyelids were suddenly outfitted with weights. It was all sinking in… the reality of it, the heaviness, the emptiness. You just wanted to sleep.

You finally opened your mouth, feeling how dry and cotton it had become. You didn’t have the strength to debate him on why this had happened, how it had to be your fault somehow, but you mustered enough to give him what you knew he needed. 

“I love you,” you whispered, unnerved by how weak and small your own voice sounded in the sterile room. 

Behind you, you heard Mat rise up from the uncomfortable vinyl chair. He bent over you, pushing some hair back from your damp face, and pressed a gentle kiss to your temple, relieved and grateful to have gotten any response, any sign of human function, from you at all. Then, he patted your shoulder and said the very thing you’d been dreading.

“Come on… let’s go home.”

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time…

Mat didn’t know how he’d found himself in the nursery or how long he'd been there, but after laying with you in your bed and softly stroking your hair as you finally fell into a much-needed slumber, that’s where his aimless wandering had eventually led. He didn’t bother to turn on the light; the afternoon sun streaming through the still untreated windows cast a golden glow on everything in the room. 

It had once felt so cozy, a representation of all that the two of you had to look forward to in the weeks and months to come. He loved sitting in the room all alone when he arrived home from a road trip, late at night when you were already sound asleep, dreaming about who your baby would look like, what they would sound like, who they would someday grow to be. 

With you losing your pregnancy so soon into it, the material items in the room were still few. As he ran his fingertips along the covers of the gifted copies of “Goodnight, Moon,” “On The Night You Were Born,” and “Love You Forever,” and over the stuffed Sparky the Dragon next to them on the shelf, his eyes filled with fresh tears, realizing that he would never get to snuggle his first baby earthside, read to them with Sparky tucked in their lap. He leaned wearily against the railing of the crib he had just put together mere days ago, and as he looked toward the tiny “13” jersey laying on the still plastic-wrapped mattress, a sob escaped his throat and he let himself fall completely apart for the very first time, without needing to remind himself to hold it together in your presence. He turned and sunk down to the floor, leaning against the solid oak frame of the crib, and buried his head in his hands, crying as he never had in all his life.

Eventually, there would be conversations about the next steps to take for your health, whether or not to try again, and when, and whether to leave the nursery as it was or pack it up until, hopefully, you were pregnant once more. But for now, there was just sheer sadness as you and Mat grieved the little one that just wasn’t to be. 

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you…

[lam-ila]

Disney Magic || Mat Barzal

Summary: A trip to Disney World with Mat and a few of your shared friends results in some mutual confessions.

Word Count: 2,761 (i got carried away with this one)

Warnings: none

please let me know if you find any that i should add

NHL Masterlist

a/n: here’s my entry for the summer fic exchange 2k23 hosted by the lovely @wyattjohnston! this was written for @tinyhockey! i hope you like it cam! this was so much fun to write!

also, the poutine part of this fic is very much based on when i had to share a bowl of poutine with my cousin when she was 7. it’s a childish thing to do and i thought it would fit our favourite man-child perfectly

this is gender neutral. hope you enjoy this! feedback is appreciated

LIKES ARE GREAT, REBLOGS ARE BETTER ♡

Every summer, you and a few of your friends went to Florida to go to Disney World. It was one of your favourite places to go to and you liked to bring along as many of your friends as you could, so that they could experience the happiness that is Disney World. Your most recent trip to Disney lined up perfectly with the beginning of Mat’s off-season and luckily, you had been able to convince him to partake in your Disney trip with four of your mutual friends.

Your trip was five days long and planned so that you and your friends would tackle one park a day, with a day off in the middle to hang out at the hotel you were staying at and browse around Disney Springs. On the first day of the trip, you had to spend the entire day in Epcot, your favourite park. Your favourite ride in the park was Soarin’, so that was the first ride you went on. Everyone in your group, besides Mat, had been to Disney World before, so they all knew how great Soarin’ was, but Mat was a little hesitant to go on the ride, thinking it was lame.

“I don’t wanna go on it!” Mat whined, giving you a fake pout. “The line’s so long and the ride is gonna be so slow.” You glared at him in fake annoyance, determined to get him on the ride.

“Mathew,” you scolded him as if you were a parent scolding their five-year-old child, “you are going on that ride. You’re gonna like it.” He opened his mouth to complain more, but you cut him off before he could even begin. “Trust me, you’re going to like it. I thought Soarin’ was lame before I went on it, but I ended up loving it.”

Mat stayed in his spot, acting like a stubborn child. When your other friends realized what was going on, they joined you in convincing Mat to go on the ride, but Mat being the stubborn man-child that he is, you and your friends resulted in physically dragging him into the line.

Once you got to the ride, you and your friends placed your belongings under your seats, cringed at the people who took their shoes off, and sat down together in a row of seats. As your row began to go up into the air, Mat looked down to look how far up your seats would go.

“Don’t look down, it ruins the magic,” you said, leaning over to whisper in his ear. As you turned your gaze back towards the screen in front of you, Mat reached over the armrest between your seats, grabbing your hand in his and squeezing it to acknowledge what you had said.

Throughout the ride, you found yourself glancing over at Mat, enjoying watching him be fascinated by Soarin’. When the ride was over, you let go of Mat’s hand to retrieve your belongings from underneath your seat, missing the feeling of his hand in yours.

"Did you like it?" you asked Mat once you exited the ride.

"It was fine," he quickly answered.

"Don't lie to me." A slight smirk appeared on your face as you watched Mat come to terms with that yes, you were right and yes, he did enjoy the ride.

"Alright, fine. Yes, I liked it."

"I told you so!" you teased as he dramatically rolled his eyes.

—————

After you went on Soarin’ you and your friends decided to do your second favourite thing at Epcot: hopping around from country to country to eat as much as you could. You first took a short walk over to Canada, where you got poutine from Le Cellier Steakhouse. You and your friends weren’t overly hungry, so you all decided to buy three orders of poutine so that two people could share one bowl and you ended up having to share with Mat.

While you were eating, you noticed that you didn’t have many cheese curds in your poutine. At first, you thought your bowl didn’t have as many as you thought it should, but then you realized that Mat had been hoarding them on his side of the bowl.

“Mat, why are you eating all of the cheese curds?” you spewed out without taking any breaths in between your words.

“I like more cheese curds with my poutine!” he defended himself.

“And I like a normal amount of cheese curds in my poutine! Give some back to me!” Mat dramatically pouted for a bit before begrudgingly giving you half of his pile of cheese curds.

You knew the last place you wanted to eat at was La Crêperie de Paris in France. You and your friends always ate dessert crêpes there before heading back to your hotel for the night. After eating the crêpes, you spotted Aurora, your favourite princess. Someone was next to her, but you thought it was a cast member until you were closer to her and realized it was Prince Phillip. He was rarely in Epcot with her and you were beyond excited that you would finally get a picture with both of them in Epcot.

You and your group had a conversation with both Aurora and Phillip before taking a selfie of all of you and then each getting individual pictures taken with them.

You were the last person to get your picture with them and right before you left, Mat spurted out “Wait! I wanna get a picture with you and them!” Aurora, standing next to you, smiled and gestured for him to stand between you and Phillip.

“Is he your prince?” Aurora asked politely. You were too stunned at her statement to speak, while Mat was laughing.

“No,” he answered for you. “Not yet, at least.” He said quieter as he grabbed your hand for the second time that day before one of your friends took a few pictures.

—————

The second day of your Disney trip was spent in Magic Kingdom. You started the day by going to meet Rapunzel and Tiana, your favourite princesses after Aurora. As you and Mat talked to Rapunzel, she spoke about how she liked to paint with Eugene and commented that you and Mat should do the same one day since 'it's just so much fun!' After Aurora's comment from the day before, you couldn't help but think that Rapunzel also thought you two were dating. But alas, you took your picture with her and Mat wanted one with you, just like he had in Epcot.

When you got to Tiana, you told her about the time you tried to make beignets and how they didn't turn out well, so you fed them to Mat because you didn't want to waste food.

She responded with "Don't worry, whenever I mess up my cooking, I give it to Naveen." Okay, maybe you brought that one upon yourself.

After meeting a few more characters, you went on the rides which were your favourite part of Magic Kingdom. You had to force Mat onto Small World since he claimed that he didn't want to go on it to avoid getting the song stuck in his head, but you got him on the ride after he stated that he always found himself having a difficult time saying no to you. You might have also creeped him out a little when you all went on Haunted Mansion as you said every line and sang every word throughout the ride.

Before leaving to go to the hotel, you had to get a bowl of popcorn, which Mat kept eating out of despite saying he didn’t want any popcorn. And of course, it wasn’t a trip to Magic Kingdom without watching a parade. You and your friends sat lined up on the sidewalk as you waved to all the characters that passed by.

—————

In the middle of your Disney trip, your group took a break from the parks and went to Disney Springs. You started your day by sleeping in; you all were exhausted from your two days at the parks and finally got some well-deserved rest. Mat wanted to go in the hotel’s pool after breakfast, but you scolded him and told him that he needed to digest before going in, so you and your group piled into one hotel room and played a few chaotic rounds of uno.

After twenty minutes, Mat and two of your friends left to change into their bathing suits and go into to pool. You and your remaining two friends decided to stay inside and continue playing Uno. About forty minutes later, Mat and your friends who went swimming re-entered the hotel room you were in, playfully threatening to get water on the three of you as they were sopping wet. Your two friends gave up after a minute or so, but Mat was very determined, chasing you around the room before engulfing you in a bear hug, resulting in some of the water that was on him getting onto you.

After you and half of your group got dry and changed, you all played a few more card games that you had brought before eating dinner at the hotel. You are enough food to make sure you were full, but not too much so that you would be able to eat something from Gideon’s Bakehouse in Disney Springs.

You and your friends made your way over to Disney Springs, not really planning on buying anything, but just going to browse around and enjoy the atmosphere. You kept an eye out for any plushes or dolls you wanted since you enjoyed collecting them. When you got to World of Disney, you spotted an Aurora doll that you didn’t have. As you walked around the store, you kept glancing over at it, but you constantly broke your glance whenever you saw the price tag, which was well over what you were willing to spend.

After leaving World of Disney, a few of your friends left to go to the washroom, including Mat, or so you thought. What actually happened was that Mat went back into the store and bought the Aurora doll for you. When he came back, he was holding the box behind his back to hide it from your sight.

“Mathew, what did you buy?” you asked.

“Oh, nothing.” He played it off. “Just something for you.” You rolled your eyes at his statement.

“How many times have I told you that you don’t need to buy me anything?”

“Yeah, I know. But you couldn’t keep your eyes off of this so I had to get it.”

“No, you did not,” you said in disbelief.

“I did and don’t tell me to return it or that it was too expensive because I really want you to have it because you deserve it and you’re a great person and I lo- like how much you get excited about these type of things.” Mat rambled.

Before you could say anything in response to his rambling, one of your friends noticed what happened.

“Awww that’s so cute Mat!” they exclaimed.

“Who knew Mathew was a softie,” another added.

—————

The fourth day of your trip to Disney was spent entirely in Animal Kingdom. You got to the park early so that you could eat breakfast at Tusker House. The POG juice (passion fruit, orange, and guava juice) served during breakfast was a must-have and you needed to get Mat to like it as much as you did.

The very first thing you did after breakfast was speed-walk your way to Flight of Passage. You loved this ride; it was so immersive and made you feel like you were actually flying on a banshee. Before going on, you explained to Mat how the ride worked and to not look down or to the sides, just as you had when you went on Soarin'. However, just like when you went on Soarin’, you broke your own rule and looked to your right where Mat was sitting and enjoyed watching him gleam with joy as the artificial wind blew through his hair.

The only mistake you made while at Animal Kingdom was bringing Mat to Finding Nemo the Musical. You loved going to watch the show, it was a cute musical and was inside an air-conditioned building, what’s better than that? You realized your mistake when Crush’s song “Go With the Flow” occurred. You looked over to Mat, only to see him dancing to the song and smirking mischievously. Knowing him, he was going to sing that song for the rest of the day and that’s exactly what he did. Every ten minutes or so, Mat would dramatically, and badly, sing the one line of the song he knew: “go with the flooooowwwww”.

You ended your day at Animal Kingdom with… more singing from Mat. You and your friends always see the Festival of the Lion King which resulted in everyone singing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”. Mat being Mat, sang that the entire way back to the hotel, annoying you and the rest of your group.

—————

The last day of your trip arrived faster than you expected. You got up early, and you planned on getting to the hotel late. You started off the day by waiting in the long, endless line for Rise of the Resistance. You and your friends who you usually go to Disney with were completely fine with the wait. Yes, it was hot and humid, but you all knew how to keep each other entertained in line. Mat, on the other hand, complained about everything: the heat, the humidity, the fact that he wanted to sleep in, the fact that he couldn’t sit down anywhere, but your least favourite complaint from him was that ‘the ride’s not gonna be worth the wait.’ Lo and behold, once Mat got off the ride, he told you that he absolutely loved it and wanted to ride it again. As much as you wanted to, you knew you couldn’t go on the ride again unless you didn’t want to go on all the rides you wanted to go on.

After Rise of the Resistance, you went on Toy Story Mania. You were paired with Mat since he begged to go with you. Throughout the ride, you kept glancing over to Mat and watched as he blasted targets with his tongue stuck out of your mouth in concentration. You, of course, beat him by a lot resulting in a lot of whining from Mat and a lot of bragging from your end.

You went on more rides, and saved a break for lunch at Woody’s Lunch Box, until the evening, when you went to go watch Fantasmic. It was a must-do for you every time you went to Hollywood Studios and you weren’t planning on skipping that on your most recent trip. Throughout the show, instead of glancing over to Mat, like you did for other rides and attractions, you kept your eyes glued to the show. You cried once Mickey appeared at the top of the mountain, resulting in Mat making sure you were okay and a few teasing comments from the rest of your friends.

“They cry every time Mickey appears on that mountain,” one of your friends told Mat after Fantasmic ended.

“I love how excited you get about every Disney-related,” Mat admitted to you. “I love,” he cut himself off before quietly adding “you.”

“We should give them some space,” another one of your friends said, before teasingly laughing and guiding everyone else away from you two. “We’ll meet you at the hotel.”

“You love me?” you asked. Mat nodded, humming to reassure you that what he said was true. “I feel the same about you, but I don’t know…”

“You don’t know?” Mat asked, prompting you to continue your thought.

“I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’d be my first relationship and all first relationships never end well.”

“That’s not true.”

“Name one first relationship that lasted,” Mat stayed quiet. “Exactly, you can’t think of anyone. I’m not going to hurt you,” Mat softly said. “If that’s what you’re afraid of.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of,” you admitted.

“I promise you, I’m not going to hurt you,” Mat stated, looking you in your eyes as a way of telling you that he was serious. “Alright?”

“Alright,” you thought for a few seconds before adding “Can you be my boyfriend?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

——————————

NHL taglist: @readyfreddy @jostystyles @emptyflowerpots @typical-simplelove @2manytabsopen @11livpangburn @matthewkniesys @lifeofpriya @fallinallincurls

join my taglist here

[hockey-fics]

Missing Piece ~ Mathew Barzal 

Summary: You’re supposed to move on from your first love, but six years later you’re still struggling with it. And maybe you aren’t the only one. 

Warnings: Drinking

Word Count: ~4,700

Love isn’t easy or simple. Love is complicated and sometimes messy. Love can bring out the best in you but it can also bring out the worst. It forces you to deal with issues you didn’t want to deal with, issues you maybe didn’t even know you had. Jealousy, insecurity, distrust. 

Your first love was even more intricate. It’s the first time you feel that true commitment to a person when you know you would do anything and everything for them. The first time you give yourself over to someone completely, give them the power to break your heart into a million pieces. The first time you found your person. The person you don’t want to be without, the person you feel safe and comfortable with. The person who brings out the best parts of you and the person who will be by your side at your worst. 

But not every love story has a happy ending. 

Your first love started in middle school. Mathew asked you to go with him to the seventh-grade dance. Of course, you said yes. You were 12 and you were ecstatic that your crush had asked you to the dance. 

At 13 you had your first kiss. It was on the playground at the park down the road from your house. You had gone there with Mathew after school one Tuesday in October. It was awkward and strange but you loved every second of it. 

At 14 Mathew asked you officially to be his girlfriend. You said yes without a second of hesitation. He took you to a movie that Friday. Or rather, your parents drove you to the movie theatre, where you met up with Mat and he bought you a ticket and popcorn. You held hands throughout the movie and didn’t pay attention for even a second. You spent the length of the movie worried about if you were holding his hand too hard or not hard enough or if your hand was too clammy or stiff.

At 16 Mathew moved away and you didn’t know how to handle it. But you loved Mat as much as you could have at that time so you navigated a long-distance relationship as best you could at that age. He was only a few hours away and between weekend trips and summers together you managed the relationship rather well. 

At 21 things changed. Mat moved thousands of kilometres away and your ability to navigate long-distance deteriorated quickly. There was a three-hour time difference. Weekend trips to see each other nearly ceased entirely. You would go days with nothing more than a few texts here and there. By the time you were done with your day and had time to call Mathew, he would be heading to bed. When he had time to talk in the morning you were still asleep. 

So you broke up. It was mutual, at least that’s what you told everyone. It was you who had brought up the idea. Mat argued against it, promised to try harder, find more time to talk and see each other. But you knew it wasn’t realistic. You hadn’t drifted apart due to a lack of effort. It wasn’t extra effort that would bring you together. 

You were devastated. Beyond devastated. You were a mess for long enough that you had grown embarrassed over the number of tears you had shed, the number of nights you had spent curled up in bed, and the social plans you had cancelled to stay in and wallow in your sadness. 

Eventually, you pulled yourself together enough to patch your life back up. You finished your last few years of university. You started going on dates again, even though none of them ever compared to being with Mat. You did your best to put that part of your life behind you. 

But you were supposed to move on entirely from your first love. You knew that. You knew with time you were supposed to stop thinking about it, about him. You were supposed to go weeks, or months, without thinking back to the days of your first love. 

You weren’t supposed to long to have that person, that feeling, back in your life. You weren’t supposed to flash back to vivid memories of the past, of memories from when you were still wrapped up in that love. 

You thought the hole he had left in your life when the two of you broke up would eventually be filled. With friends and hobbies, school and a career. But no matter how busy you kept yourself, no matter how hard you tried to fill that hole, it always seemed to be there. 

December 22, 2022

You’re sitting in the driveway, Budget rental car idling in the cold winter night. December 22nd. You were back at your childhood home for Christmas. You should be happy. But every time you came home there was a feeling of nostalgia that didn’t fill you with warmth or happiness, it felt sad and bitter. 

“Are we going to go in?”

Whipping your head to the right with a sharp inhale your eyes focus on Ben. Ben. You two had only been together for four months. It felt far too early for him to be joining your family for Christmas but when he asked to come you didn’t really know how to say no. So here you were, with your practically brand new boyfriend, sitting in the driveway of your childhood family home thinking about all the times you had been in that exact place with Mat. 

“Oh, um, yeah,” you mutter, turning the car off before climbing out into the cold night. Dragging your suitcases up to the front door you head in, your parents at the front door only a few seconds later. 

“Hi hunny,” your mom greets, throwing her arms around you. 

“Hey, mom.” Pulling back you look over at Ben. “This is Ben,” you tell her, your apprehension clear in your voice. 

“Hi Ben, it’s lovely to meet you.” She pulls him in for a hug, their bodies rigid and tense. “How was the flight?”

“Pretty good,” you tell her with a shrug. “Nothing crazy happened so I guess I can’t complain.”

“Well, dinner is almost ready, the bed is made upstairs,” your mom says, eyes flicking back and forth from you to Ben and back to you. 

You wanted the night to go well, you really did. You wanted Ben to fit in like a missing piece in your family. But it didn’t and he didn’t fit. It was awkward and uncomfortable. After dinner you cleaned the kitchen with your mom while Ben sat in the living room with your dad and the house was so quiet you could hear their conversation, or rather, their lack of conversation altogether. 

You lay awake in bed that night till Ben falls asleep, till the house is dark and quiet. Slipping out of your room and down the stairs you head out to the car in the driveway. You weren’t even sure where you were going, or what you were planning on doing. But you needed to get out of your head and you hoped that getting out of the house might make that happen. 

Eventually, you find yourself in front of the 24-hour convenience store you used to frequent for late-night snacks and drinks. The year they began selling wine and beer only increased the frequency of trips, youthful giggling as you played a game of ‘who looks the oldest’ in someone's beat-up Honda Civic in the parking lot of the convenience store. 

Sighing you climb out of the car, heading into the store. The lights are fluorescent and bright, too bright. The store is empty aside from the man sitting behind the counter, barely even looking up from his phone when you entered the building. Strolling down the aisles you let your eyes scan the shelves of chips and candy, overpriced loaves of Wonder bread and tiny jars of peanut butter. 

The bell above the door jingles but it barely registers for you, your mind racing with thoughts, with memories. 

“Your parents still don’t keep junk food in the house?”

Twirling around your eyes land on the last person you expected to find in that convenience store at 12:30am. If you had you sure as hell wouldn’t have been there in sweatpants and a hoodie so old you were fairly sure he had seen you in when you were still a teenager. “Mat,” you whisper. “You’re back in town early.” 

“Yeah, we got lucky this year, had a game yesterday and I flew back this afternoon,” Mat explains. “When’d you get here?”

“This afternoon.” You’re fidgeting with the strings on your hoodie, staring over at him. “How’ve you been?”

“Not bad. How are you? Happy to be home?”

“Uh,” you mutter, inhaling deeply. “Yeah, I guess as happy to be home as I can be if I’m using this place as an excuse to get out of the house.”

“That bad, hey?” Mat chuckles. 

“I mean, it could be better. But more importantly, what is hockey superstar Mathew Barzal doing at the 24-hour Stop and Shop in the middle of the night?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

Your eyes fall to the bag of chips he was holding, looking back up at him with a teasing smile. “And you thought a bag of Lays salt and vinegar chips would fix that?”

“Probably not.” Matt shrugs, laughing under his breath. Reaching over he picks up a bottle of wine sitting on the shelf across from where you were standing. “This might though.”

“Oh no, it’s sad enough to be back in this place, don’t make it worse by drinking alone.”

Mat chuckles, reaching over for a second bottle, and thrusting it into your empty hands. “So don’t let me drink alone.”

You knew you should say no. There were a million and one reasons why you should say no. You had broken up over 6 years ago. It took you years to move on and you weren’t sure even now you really were. You had a boyfriend now. You had a boyfriend now who was asleep in your family’s home. 

“Alright,” you state, nodding in agreement, despite your mind screaming at you to say no, to put the wine away. 

So the two of you take the bottles of wine and Mat’s bag of salt and vinegar chips to the counter and you let him pay for all of it despite your objection. Outside you climb into your car, agreeing to meet Mat at his house. It seemed safer to go there, your own house seemed off the table with Ben asleep in your parent’s guest room. 

When you pull into the driveway Mat is waiting outside for you, the bottles of wine tucked under one arm. Following him inside the two of you sneak down to the finished basement that had been a common hangout during your childhood and teenage years. 

Once you’re settled on the couch in the basement with a glass of wine in your hand you turn your focus back to Mat. “How have things been? It’s been a while since we talked.”

“It has,” Matt agrees, taking a sip of the white wine in his glass. “I’ve been pretty good, I guess. Kinda just the same.”

“I don’t think you get to make your life seem so boring,” you tease. “I’m glad you’ve been doing well though. Still enjoying New York?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s starting to feel like it’s home more than here now, you know?”

Nodding slowly you take a sip of your wine, staring down into it for a few seconds. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Are you still living out here? You graduated, right?”

“Yeah, I finished my degree a couple years ago,” you tell him with a soft smile. You were still following each other on social media and you were sure that had to be how he knew that. “I moved out to Toronto after graduating.”

“Toronto?” Mat shifts slightly in his seat, taking another gulp of the sickly sweet, cheap wine. “That’s a big move.”

“I didn’t want to stay out here forever, wanted to see a new place for a while.”

“How are you liking it out there?”

Sighing quietly you give him a little shrug. “It’s been okay, it was hard for a while to not know anyone out there. But I’m slowly settling in, meeting new people.”

“You don’t sound like you like it that much.”

Laughing softly you take another drink, finishing off your first glass of wine. “I do,” you insist, reaching over and pouring yourself another glass of wine. You knew the only reason you were hesitating about it was because you were sitting here with Mat now and it made Toronto feel distant and cold. 

As your conversation grows less intense with each glass of wine you find yourself loosening up, laughing and joking with Mat like the two of you hadn’t spent the last six years apart. You weren’t even paying attention to the time, had stopped worrying about Ben waking up and finding your side of the bed empty. Nothing else seemed to matter while you were sitting there with Mat. 

“Any new women in your life?” you ask, the wine blurring your inhibitions, no longer worrying if that question would come across as strange and jealous. 

Mat chuckles, shaking his head. “No, hasn’t really been for awhile. What about you?”

“No, I’m still mostly just interested in men.” 

“Very funny,” Mat laughs, waiting for you to go on regardless of your attempt to deflect the question away from you. 

“Um,” you hum, taking another large drink from your glass. “Yeah, I, um, I’m seeing someone.”

Mat falls silent, nodding slowly as he looks across the room, not making eye contact for a few minutes. “Oh, um, congratulations.”

Laughing sarcastically you set your glass down, nervously running your clammy hands over your thighs. You didn’t want that fact to change Mat’s perspective of you. You didn’t want him to push you away because of that. “We haven’t been together long,” you inform him. “I don’t know if we’re going to be.”

“Why’s that?”

“I just feel like we should still be in a honeymoon phase of our relationship but it’s already really hard. And he doesn’t fit in with my family, which isn’t a dealbreaker but it’s not ideal, you know?”

“He’s met your family?” Mat mumbles. 

Your heart was hammering in your chest now, not wanting to admit what you were about to say. But you couldn’t lie to him. “He’s here with me for Christmas.”

“I thought…didn’t you say you haven’t been together long?” Mat asks, his voice quiet and deflated. 

You can’t help but laugh at that, it was a very fair question to ask and you were a little embarrassed to admit that it was and he was still here regardless. “We haven’t, it’s been like four months. He asked to come out here with me for Christmas and I didn’t know how to say no.”

Mat’s deflated expression is broken by a breath of laughter. “You couldn’t say no? You didn’t want him to come?”

“No,” you exclaim, shaking your head. “I really didn’t.”

“Do you even like this guy?” 

Glancing around the room you let out a loud breath. “I don’t know, Mat,” you admit. “I’ve been trying. I did in the beginning but now I think I’m just trying to force it to work.”

“Doesn’t sound great for four months in,” Mat points out. “Did you also not know how to say no to me all those times I came over for Christmas with your family?” Mat jokes. 

“You know I wanted you there,” you tell him with a soft smile. “I always wanted you around.”

“So why didn’t you want him to come?” Mat asks, seemingly looking for a specific answer though you weren’t sure what it was. 

“Because I don’t love him,” you say simply. “And I love you.”

The room falls silent as the two of you realize what you had just said, your face flushing hot and your heart hammering hard. “I loved you,” you correct, a blatant lie but you couldn’t admit that somewhere deep inside you were still in love with Mat. 

“I should probably head home,” you say suddenly, getting to your feet and pulling your phone out to get an Uber or taxi or any other way you could figure out to get out of there. 

“Woah, hey, are you okay?” Mat asks, getting up and stepping over to you, his hand on your lower back. His touch was gentle and hesitant like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to do it. 

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” you whisper, your hands shaking slightly as you open your Uber app. 

“Look at me.” Mat places his hands on your arms, turning you to face him. “I know what you meant, you don’t have to run away.”

“What did I mean, Mat?” you whisper, looking up into his eyes. 

“That we loved each other when I was coming to your house for Christmas.”

You hesitate, knowing you should just leave it at that. But you couldn’t, shaking your head slightly. “I think I might still be in love with you.”

Mat stares down at you for a few seconds, uncertainty clear on his face. Before you have the chance to say or do anything he’s pulling you closer, leaning down and pressing his lips to yours. 

“Mat,” you whisper, pulling back the second his lips touch yours. “I can’t do this right now.”

“I’m sorry,” he mutters, stepping back quickly, one hand rubbing the back of his neck. “Fuck, I’m sorry, you’re in a relationship, I shouldn’t have…I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” you assure him. “I should probably go home though.”

Mat nods, walking you up to the door once your Uber was on the way. He stands in the entryway, shoulder against the wall as he watches you pull your shoes on. 

“Wait,” he says as you stand up, moving towards the door. Turning back to face him you wait for him to go on. “I still love you too.”

You’re frozen in place, speechless for too long. “I’ll talk to you later,” you finally say, slipping out of the front door and hurrying down to the Uber idling at the bottom of the driveway. The ride is quiet and you’re glad your driver was refraining from a conversation, giving you time to think over the events of the night. 

When you get back home you sneak in as quietly as you can to avoid waking anyone up. But by the time you get into your room, you realize you didn’t need to be so worried, finding Ben wide awake. 

“Where were you?”

Sighing you tug your hoodie off, tossing it onto the chair in the corner of the room. “I just went to see a friend.”

“You snuck out in the middle of the night to go visit a friend?” Ben presses, clearly and rightfully suspicious. 

“I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to wake you up,” you explain, only partly lying. 

“Who were you with?”

“Why are you interrogating me right now?” you snap, arms folding over your chest. 

“Because you fucking snuck out to go see someone in the middle of the night and you’re obviously drunk, I think I deserve to know where you were and who you were with.”

“I was with Mat,” you snap. “I ran into him in the store and went back to his place to catch up. It’s not a big deal now can you just go back to sleep.”

“Your ex Mat?” Ben mutters. 

“Yes,” you whisper, glancing down at the ground. 

“Did you sleep with him?”

“Oh my god,” you groan, shaking your head. “No, I didn’t do anything with him. We hung out and had some wine.”

“That’s bullshit,” Ben declares. “Tell me the truth.”

“I just did,” you mutter, though it wasn’t exactly the truth. 

“I don’t believe you.”

You take a deep breath, glancing up at the ceiling before looking back over at him. “You want to know the fucking truth? I’m still in love with him. Yeah, he tried to kiss me but I stopped it. I don’t know what you want from me, Ben, but whatever it is I really don’t think that I can give it to you.”

“I should never have come here,” Ben states, his voice cold and harsh. 

Laughing sarcastically you lean against the dresser behind you, putting even more distance between you and him. “No, you shouldn’t have. I didn’t even fucking want you to, I don’t know why you would even ask. We’ve been together for like four months.” 

You knew you were being harsh, you knew you were in the wrong. But the culmination of everything from the last 12 hours was spewing out of you with visceral anger. You didn’t want him there, your family barely wanted him there, he had already made your first dinner with your family weird and uncomfortable and you couldn’t help but put all of that on him. 

Ben nods, walking across the room to begin reorganizing his suitcase. “Well, I’ll be out of here tomorrow so I don’t ruin your Christmas or get in the way of you and your ex.”

Sighing you walk to the edge of the bed, sitting down and watching him for a few minutes. 

“You had to know this wasn’t going to work out, Ben,” you finally say, voice quiet and soft now. 

“Actually I didn’t,” Ben snaps, turning around to look at you. “I actually have feelings for you and it doesn’t feel great to know you were in love with your ex this entire time.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, looking down at the ground. “I know it doesn’t make it better but I really didn’t plan or expect to see him, now or ever.”

“It really doesn’t, but thanks,” Ben mutters, walking back to the bed to sit back down. Pulling his phone out the two of you fall into an uncomfortable silence while he finds the next available flight back to Toronto. 

Eventually, you decide to get some sleep, the sky already bright outside. The next time you wake up Ben was already gone and you weren’t sure if you were relieved by that or if you felt you should have said a more concrete goodbye. 

Downstairs you find your parents in the living room, curling up on the end of the couch, waiting for someone else to say something first. 

“I’m sorry,” your mom finally says and you look over at her with furrowed eyebrows. 

“Sorry?” you ask. 

“You and Ben, I’m sorry you two broke up.”

“Oh,” you mumble, shrugging. “It’s, um, not a big deal.”

“You went and saw Mathew?” your mom asks. 

“He told you that?” you ask in disbelief. “I didn’t go see him, I couldn’t sleep so I went for a drive and stopped at the convenience store for a snack and I ran into him. He wanted to catch up so I went over to his place, it’s not like I planned to see him.”

Your mom nods, clearly unsure about your words. But your mom also loved Mat and you knew that even if you had specifically gone to see him she probably wouldn’t have been that upset about it. “Well as long as you’re okay then I’ll be honest and I think it’s for the best. You didn’t seem happy with him.”

Sighing you turn your attention to the Christmas Hallmark movie that was playing on the TV. “Yeah,” you whisper, knowing she was right. 

You spend the rest of the day with your parents, watching Christmas movies and eating so many snacks you didn’t even need to think about cooking a single meal that day. 

Most of Christmas Eve had slipped by quickly but you couldn’t keep your mind off of Mat. Couldn’t stop thinking about the night you spent together. He had told you that he loved you and you had left without saying anything else. You left that night with him thinking you were staying in a relationship with Ben.

After dinner you pick up your keys and purse, telling your parents you would be home soon. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe everything you had done since being home had been a mistake. But you don’t stop, you don’t turn around, you keep driving till you’re sitting in the driveway of Mat’s childhood home. 

The driveway is slippery with freshly fallen snow, the air sharp against your skin. When you get to the front door you consider turning around and heading home, pretending you had never driven across town for this. But you knock on the door before you can talk yourself out of it. 

When the door is pulled open you’re hit with a gust of warm air, tinged with the scent of Christmas baking. Your eyes focus on Mat, standing in front of you in a hoodie and sweats, hair a mess, surprise written on his face. “Hey,” he breathes out, one hand still on the door. 

Stepping closer you lean up, hands on either side of his face as you press your lips against his. It’s filled with emotion and all the words you didn’t know how to say. His arms are around your body, tugging you into the house and fumbling the door closed behind you without so much as pulling back for a second. Your hands move down, one tangled in his hair, the other grasping at his hoodie like you were scared that he would be gone again if you were to let go. 

When you finally pull back you leave one hand grasping his hoodie, the other falling to rest on his chest. “Hi,” you whisper. 

“Hi,” Matt replies, his hands on your waist. “What-.”

“I broke up with him,” you interrupt, wanting to get any thoughts that you might be cheating on your partner out of Mat’s head. “Or I guess we broke up, he found out about the other night and wasn’t happy.” 

Mat nods slowly, waiting for you to go on. But you didn’t know what else to say. You didn’t even know why you were there. 

“Do you want to come in for a bit?” Mat suggests, pushing your jacket down your arms, and hanging it on one of the hooks by the door. 

“Okay,” you agree, letting him take your hand and pull you up into his room. The same room you had snuck into many times before, but back then it was because you were teenagers and spending time alone behind a closed door was strictly off-limits. “Straight to the bedroom, hey?”

Mat chuckles shutting the door behind the two of you before making his way to sit on the edge of the bed. “Just figured you wouldn’t want to have whatever conversation we’re about to have in the living room with my family.”

“You’re right about that,” you comment, walking over and lifting one knee onto the edge of the bed, sitting next to him, your body turned to face him. “So,” you whisper, hoping he would take the reins on the conversation. 

“I want to try again,” Mat blurts, not turning his head to look at you as he says it. 

“Try what again?” 

“Being together. We live closer now and I still love you six years later, I think…I think I want us to try and make it work again.”

You’re stunned by his words, staring at him speechlessly. It’s not that you hadn’t thought about it. Not only had you thought about it before this trip home but you had thought about it every moment since you saw Mat in the convenience store. 

“Is that a no?” Mat mutters. 

“No, uh,” you begin nervously, shaking your head. “No, it’s not. I mean, yes…yes, I want that.”

Mat pulls you closer, kissing you again, gently, passionately. “I love you,” Mat whispers against your lips. 

And you whispered it right back to him, contentment deep in your soul. Finally, the piece in the puzzle that had been missing for so long seemed to be back in place. 

[huuuuughes]

First Time Feeling - Mat Barzal x Reader

Pairing: Mat Barzal x Fem!Reader

Word count: 6.4k

Warnings: so much fluff, did i go overboard? maybe lol

A/N: this was my first time participating in a fic exchange and i honestly had so much fun. this is for the summer fic exchange 2k24 hosted by the lovely @wyattjohnston. it is written for the also fantastic @ahockeywrites! i am your friendly neighborhood exchange writer. i hope you enjoy it as much as i did writing it!

also i used google translate for the french. pls dont come for me if its not right im doing my best

It’s that time of year, when hockey pauses and every hockey player you know has a wedding because they scarcely get to have them in season. Growing up a coach's daughter, you were not unfamiliar with NHL weddings, and it meant your best friends were other kids from the organization your dad was in at the time. Now that you were getting to be that age it meant everyone you knew was having weddings.

Except you.

You were the one single person remaining in the bridal party for your best friend. Everyone did their best to try and include you without making it feel like third wheeling but sometimes it felt like that anyway. It wasn’t like they could help it and you were always happy for them. Weddings just seemed to rub salt in a wound now. Being alone scared you more than a lot of things. Which is why you were taking this bachelorette weekend to let loose and have fun. At least more than you usually let yourself. Your ability to do shots at a fast pace and without hesitation got you to that buzzed feeling a little too quickly.

But everyone was having fun. The band that was playing for the bar was insanely good and every song kept making you wanna dance. You managed to drag a few of your friends out onto the dance floor with you and it was the first time you felt free in a very long time.

“We’re gonna go get a drink, do you want something?!” Hannah attempts to yell over the volume of the music.

“YEAH, just water is good! Thanks!” You didn’t want to leave the dance floor- you were having a really good time. You let the music be your happy place for the moment, forgetting any problem you had before coming in the door. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed a trio of men looking at you. And then you have to do a double take, because you’d just seen those same 3 men at the previous bar, and the one before that…

Moving to a different spot on the dance floor didn’t seem to help. Hannah still wasn’t back from the bar and you were starting to think that these creeps were trying to form some kind of blockade. It was unsettling, but your usual fears were blurred by the alcohol that was currently coursing through your veins. You had forgotten there was a reason you didn’t like to drink that often. Then there was a tap on your shoulder, and as you turned around one of them was right there.

“You wanna dance sweetheart?” He screamed in your ear.

“No thanks! Just waiting for a friend!”

“I don’t see that friend anywhere right now, why don’t you want to dance?” Attempting to get closer to you, he moved forward causing you to back up into a stranger. Another one of his friends, you discovered, once you saw the first one smirk like there was some kind of inside joke that you weren’t in on.

“I said no.”

“That’s not what that outfit says.”

“Get away from me you fucking creep.” Your voice was firm, attempting to just go back to having fun. You closed your eyes, trying to let the music flow through you again. When you opened them there was yet another man coming at you, but this one didn’t feel threatening. He looked familiar, like you had maybe seen him before in passing. You couldn’t place it sober, and you definitely couldn’t in the current state you were in. He was making a beeline for you, pushing the first creep out of his way and almost onto the ground.

“Holy shit babe, there you are!You, my love, are too drunk! Time to go home!” Before you knew it he was reaching for your waist and your feet were no longer touching the ground. He throws you over his shoulder like you were nothing but a paper weight. Instead of the panic you should have felt, you relaxed over him. You didn’t fight the motion, it felt good to just stop for a moment. But then you realized that you really didn’t know who this was either and you just let a strange man pick you up and carry you out of the dance floor area.

“UM YEA HI, WHO ARE YOU?” You attempted to yell at him but the music was still loud. He either didn’t hear you or chose not to respond because you didn’t receive a response.

“Excuse me! Sir! I demand to know who you are please!”

Still nothing from him. He was like a big brick wall.

“JUST BECAUSE I'M SMALL DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN JUST MAN HANDLE ME.”

But then you were on the ground again. It had felt like years before he set you down again but when he did you were once again reunited with your friends. You finally had a chance to get a good look at the stranger who carried you. He was definitely over six feet tall, and was honestly the hottest man you’d ever seen in your life. His eyes were a soft brown color that you could almost drown in. His hair was also brown, and fell in different directions all over his head. The expression on his face was a neutral one, but you felt drawn to him.

“Girl holy shit, why didn’t you tell us those creeps were still following you?!”

“Stop shouting at him babe, you are FINE!”

“You guys failed to mention your friend was such a chatterbox when she’s intoxicated.” The man laughed, but you could barely focus on anything with the way the world seemed to be swaying about.

“Thanks so much Mat, for rescuing our friend. She’s kind of key to the wedding festivities this weekend.”

“No problem. I hope your night gets better from here. Tell Coach I said hi. Maybe I’ll see you this weekend ladies.” He winked, like he knew he was going to but was just saying that to be clever. He looked like he felt accomplished about your frustrated state. As if he found it cute or endearing that you were so small yet had so much anger.

“You know she’s single Mat!” One of your friends interjected. And with that the handsome stranger who now had a name walked off and out of the bar, and you wondered who his friends were. You watched as a smile broke out on his face again, as if he was thinking hard about the proposition just said to him.

“Have a safe night ladies.” He lifted his head in a nod and you watched him walk out of the bar and out of your sight.

Everyone in your group had also decided that they had enough for the night and you booked it back to your hotel. The wedding was in 2 days, and the rehearsal dinner is tomorrow evening. Tonight was the last night to let loose and perhaps you had come too loose.

The next morning…

Your head was pounding. Opening your eyes was a no go, the light too painful to look at. It was like your entire head was pulsing. Liquor should definitely not be mixed with any other type of alcohol, you thought.

“WAKEY WAKEY BITCH, UP AND AT EM!” The bride came into your room, clearly more ready to tackle the day than you were.

“Oh my god Hannah. STOP YELLING. My head is killing me…” you groaned.

“Oh I know, I was there too, bestie. I’ve brought Tylenol and water, and there’s breakfast in my room. Oh and here’s some sunglasses. Those might help for a bit.” She thrust all of the items in your arms and helped you sit up without dying.

“Come on, we have a bridal party meeting, maid of honor!”

You loved Hannah, you really did, but if she didn’t lower her volume you thought your head might explode. After a quick shower, some meds, and an outfit change you were ready for the bridal party meeting there was to be had. When you walked into the room it was a mixture of excitement and groaning. All of the bridesmaids looked like they’d been through it, but the groomsmen were relaxed. The groom had his party a few weeks ago, just in case any shenanigans ensued.

“There she is!”

That voice. You knew that voice…God why did you know that voice?

You almost dropped the plate of food in your hands. When you turned around the shock of who it was rendered you speechless. It was the man who carried you across the bar last night. The man you thought you’d never see again after that embarrassing spectacle you’d caused. The memory was slowly coming back to you, and you really, really hoped there wasn’t video evidence.

“Good to see you survived your journey home.” He smirked.

“Wait! Do you know Mat?!” Clutterbuck asked. You knew Cal from your dad’s years in the league. You knew most of the people in the room, but Mat had been a pretty private guy. You didn’t really know much about him other than he was damn good at hockey and had pretty nice eyes. Since you only knew him in passing, you had never heard him talk much and drunk, you definitely did not recognize him. You felt like the blood had entirely drained from your face all you could think of was how quickly you could get out of that room.

“Apparently I do.” Your eyes tried to stay fixed on the ground as the meeting got started. It was basically just going over who was going to walk down the aisle with who and what everyone’s entrances would be for the reception.

“So, you’ll be with Mat. You guys good with that?” You locked eyes with your best friend. You knew exactly what she was doing. She was trying to play matchmaker without even asking you first. How would she even know if he was your type?

“I mean I-,” You stammered.

“Yeah, it sounds great to me.”

Finally you had to look at him. Of course he would say that, maybe he was in on it, you were being tortured by all of your friends. You had to begin lining up to practice, making sure you didn’t fall flat on your face and embarrass the bride. They all knew him, there was definitely an underlying motive. You had a feeling it was because they didn’t want everyone to pair up and you were left by yourself. It was a nice gesture, but being filled in would have felt nice so you did not in fact have a strange man picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder in a bar.

Being the maid of honor, you were last in the order to go. You waited patiently in the back of the line, the only one who was not linked in arms with their partner. Mat offered his arm to you, attempting to show some good will.

“You gonna take it?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at you.

“No.”

“Listen, I’m sorry about last night. Your friends told me to come get you by whatever means necessary so that is what I did.”

“So you decided the only way was to pick me up with no warning? Who taught you to do that?” You threw your arms up in the air almost in defeat, you didn’t know what to make of what he did. You may have been drunk but you were never going to forget looking down at the ground when being carried across the room.

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you.” He shrugged and still somehow managed to look smug. He knows what he’s doing, and he definitely thought that he was being charming by doing so.

“I want you to tell me why you did that! All you had to do was grab my hand and lead me away!” You’d had enough of his games. You were going to get some answers before the night was over and done with.

“They all seem to know you, but I don’t. Why is that?” You had turned to face him, staring him down in order to get him to crack. It was almost your turn. You’d run into a slight issue when the bride decided she wanted to switch up the order of things before the honors of maid of honor and best man. All this meant was more time to get him to crack, which if he had known any better, would not take you very long. His resolve was weakening, and quickly.

“I’ve been around. You just haven’t noticed me.”

“I think I would have noticed you.” It would be hard to miss someone as pretty as he was. Did you really just admit that? Your dad hadn’t been with the Islanders for several years, but you still knew who most of the team was. Based on what you had managed to Google on the walk from the meeting to the present rehearsal location was that he was a pretty damn good hockey player.

“I don’t think so sweetheart. Your friends have told me all about you too, you know.”

“Oh yeah? What did they tell you?” You were almost angry but didn’t know why.

“Well for starters they just want you to be happy. They know you haven’t been happy for a little while now.” He smiled at you, and you tried not to melt in response. The way your body reacted so physically to him when all he did was smile was not something that you could ignore.

“And what else?” You prompted.

“My last relationship was some time ago, and let’s just say it didn’t end that well. They’ve noticed I haven’t been happy either.”

“You look happy to me.”

“Looks can be deceiving. The cameras and the media pick up only what they want to see.” This time he didn’t meet your eye. Which told you everything you needed to know. You would never understand how strangers and the media thought they knew someone just by what you see them do as an athlete. As if they don’t have personal lives or things that are important to them. Your suspicions were confirmed, but not in the way you thought. Of course your friends wanted to set you up with someone. Not to be funny or to try and make a joke, but they hated to see you so unhappy. Things were starting to make a little more sense.

“So you knew their motives?” You asked, feeling bad about how you had sort of gone at him without knowing why. You couldn’t undo the years of crappy guys that you had to deal with in the past, but now you could learn to give Mat a better chance.

“Partially. I knew they wanted to set me up with someone, but I don’t enjoy the anxiety of blind dates. They didn’t want me to say anything to you- they wanted to protect you. Based on your reaction I’m guessing you don’t enjoy surprises either.”

“Correct. So what would you like to do about this?” You asked, hopeful.

“I think we should see where the weekend takes us, and go from there. How’s that sound?”

You hoped that he couldn’t see the blush starting to appear in your cheeks. Your friends did this on purpose. They wouldn’t just set you up with some hockey player they didn’t know or trust, they knew he had to be vetted first. They also knew that you wouldn’t just take being set up with someone due to your stubbornness, so this was the only way they knew how to get to you.

“I’d like that.” His smile was infectious and you could feel yourself reciprocating.

Once the rehearsal dinner was figured out, the rest of the evening seemed to go as planned. Most importantly, the bride was happy. You noticed Mat across the room, smiling at you. You were alone at the bar, and watched him excuse himself from the conversation he was having to walk your direction.

“You wanna get out of here?” It was almost a whisper, so only you could hear it. You looked around the room to make sure that your absence wouldn’t be noticed.

“I thought you’d never ask.” You took the hand that he offered you and followed him out of the room. His car was already waiting, the perks of having the wedding on Long Island was a lot of the wedding guests already lived in the area.

“I feel like a teenager sneaking out when I’m not supposed to!” He held the door open for you as you slid in, and he climbed into the driver’s seat, “Where are you taking me sir?”

The sun was starting to set, making the sky an orangish pink color. It was like all of the colors of the sky melting together, painting a beautiful scene that no camera could ever do justice. He reached over and grabbed your hand as he began to drive. It looked like he was going nowhere in particular, and he squeezed your hand gently. You appreciated a first move when you saw one, it took the anxiety out of the way and you instantly felt more relaxed around him.

“There’s somewhere I want to show you. It’s not that far from here, is that okay?” You nodded. According to maps, the destination was only a few miles away. It was almost dark out, but not quite. The sun rested quietly in the sky, hovering just above the skyline ready to disappear. Mat still held your hand in his, gently squeezing every so often as if to reassure you of something but you weren’t quite sure what yet. When you arrived at your destination, there wasn’t another car to be seen. The only sound came from a distance, and then you looked around.

“Where are we?” You asked.

“Crescent Beach. I used to come here a lot when I first came to New York. The city can be overwhelming sometimes, but out here you can actually hear yourself think. The sunset’s here are something to behold, I’ve heard.” He held out his hand for you to take, and led you on to the beach. He had already grabbed two blankets from his trunk. You laughed a little bit, you always kept blankets and towels in the back of your car just in case too.

“It looks like we’re just in time for sunset.” Mat laid down one of the blankets on the sand. You were close enough to the water to be able to smell it, but not close enough that the tide could touch you. He placed the other blanket over the two of you, sitting down beside you after you got comfortable.

“The sky looks beautiful right now. I would have never thought a sunset in Long Island could look like this!” You closed your eyes for a second, taking in the smell of the ocean and the sound of the waves. It was the peace you were looking for during the wedding weekend.

“New York can be beautiful when it wants to be. You just have to know where to look.”

“I like to think that whenever there is a sunset this beautiful, it’s just someone you lost saying hello. Like a little wave from the sky, you know?” You asked him. He nodded, looking out across the horizon. “Tell me about you Mat.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Why did our friends want to set you up with someone?” You were curious.

“I’d been on and off with someone for a long time. It was unhealthy for me, and for anyone to be around me. Let’s just say I wasn’t always the most pleasant person. I want to start a family one day. With as much as players can move around, my home is with a person. Not a place or anything like that, if that makes any sense at all.”

“I was the same way with my dad. We moved around every few years, it felt like I could never really put down roots in one place.”

“What’s your favorite color?” He asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

“What does my favorite color have to do with anything?”

“It says a lot about a person to me.”

“You’re a little strange, has anyone ever told you that?” You both laughed, his was infectious.

“Just answer the question!”

You tell him your favorite color, smiling.

“Don’t you want to know what mine is?” He asked.

“Tell me.”

“It’s blue.”

“Like Islanders blue?”

“Any blue, but right now, blue like the ocean.” The breeze started to blow hard, quickly reminding you that you were in fact in New York, not a beach somewhere tropical. Mat was good at making you feel like you were somewhere else but in a good way.

“Tell me something else about you Mr. Barzal.”

“Is this 20 questions or something?”

“It is now!” You playfully smacked his thigh, you were so close together it wouldn’t take much for you to lean in and kiss him.

“Tes yeux sont les plus beaux que j'ai jamais vus.” You could tell he was speaking French just from the way he changed his accent. Since when could this beautiful man speak french?!

“You can speak french?”

“A hobby of mine, you could say.” From the way the words flowed out of his mouth, you knew it wasn’t just a hobby.

“What did you say?” You turned to look at him, slightly shorter so that you had to look up to look at each other. Everything else seemed to disappear behind him. There could have been roars of people around you, but you wouldn’t have been able to hear them. It was true what they said, when you found the right person it was like everything else melted away.

“I said you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.” You couldn’t even attempt to hide the blush you could feel forming in your cheeks.

“Is that how you get all the ladies?” You managed to speak finally, after gaining your composure again. But your voice was quiet, like you didn’t want to know the answer.

“Tu es le seul que je veux.” His forehead came to rest against yours. You could feel his hot breath against your face, lighting the nerves in your body on fire.

“Tell me what you said.” You breathed out, trying to catch your breath as if it had been taken from you.

“You are the only one I want.”

“Okay.” You didn’t know why you were saying it. But he seemed to know why, and crashed his lips against yours. His hand came up to cup the back of your head, bringing you as close to him as you could get. The ocean breeze no longer seemed to matter as you began exploring each other’s bodies. He pulls you onto his lap, wrapping the blanket around you in one fluid motion. His lips tasted slightly of whiskey and chocolate, inviting and warm. Warmth blossomed in your chest, like you wanted to be engulfed in each other. You could feel his hands wanting to go under your shirt, and you nodded into the kiss to let him know that it was okay.

You pulled back just for a moment to catch your breath, but not letting your forehead leave his. You were breathing hard against each other as one, in sync already after the slightest touch. His eyes told you everything you needed to know, and you felt safe in his arms. Mat placed his hands on either side of your face, allowing you to feel just how much the moment meant to him. To him, he was holding his world in his hands and now he never wanted to let you go. His next kiss felt like fireworks, and now you knew what it felt like when people said they never wanted something to end. A kiss like the two of your lives depended on it, and you wanted to get lost in him. His kisses were soft at first and increased in intensity every time you drew back for a breath. You wanted more, you wanted all of him.

He breathed your name, realizing that it was in fact now dark outside. The only light came from the street lights in the parking lot and the small flashlight Mat had brought from his car. He brought you in for a hug against him, tucking your head into the nape of his neck. You fit there perfectly, and the smell of his cologne engulfed all of your senses.

“We should probably head back to the hotel.” He whispered, but didn’t make any moves to let go of you.

“Maybe…”

“That doesn’t mean we have to be alone tonight.” He squeezed you, the reassurance washing over you. You nod, and get up off the ground. Mat shakes off the blankets, trying to get rid of as much sand as possible. But you knew that there would be sand all over you for days, in places you never think sand would end up. He got you settled in the car, placing the supplies back where he got them from. Once back in the car, he took your hand once more and you drove quietly back to the hotel.

“Where do we go from here?” You asked.

“I like you.” Another hand squeeze. You didn’t know what to say back to him, too afraid that anything would scare him off just like the other guys you’d dated. “You don’t have to say it back yet, I just didn’t want this night to end without telling you that. When I know I want something, I won’t stop until I can have it. If you’ll let me, that is.”

“What about tonight?” He didn’t answer you, but that was okay. It was unspoken, hanging in the air like a cloud, but you knew you weren’t going to be alone that night. Or the rest of the weekend, if Mat had anything to say about it. Arriving back at the hotel, Mat handed his keys off to the valet and led you inside.

“Is there anything you need to get from your room?” He asked once in the elevator.

“Not that I can think of.”

“Good.” Once the elevator doors opened to his floor, he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder once again. But this time you were more than okay with it. He had to set you down in order to open his room, but picked you up again once you were inside. He laid you down on the freshly laundered bed, throwing your shoes across the room and his along with them. You crawled under the covers together, and all he did was hold you. There were the occasional make out sessions throughout the night, but nothing more. He told you about his childhood and growing up playing hockey, and you told him about the life of being a coach's daughter.

He told you about the way he likes his eggs cooked, his pregame rituals, and all the movies he liked to watch. You talked about anything and everything that came to mind, eventually falling asleep in his arms. When you woke up it didn’t feel strange, it felt like you were supposed to be there. The morning after was always an awkward moment, falling over your words and trying to sneak out without the other person noticing. There was no sneaking out this time, instead you woke up with a kiss from Mat being planted on the top of your head.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He whispered, kissing around your neck and cheeks as much as he could.

“It’s wedding day today.” You smiled, you were excited to get your best friend in the world down the aisle. In helping her find her happiness, you had also managed to find some of yours.

“I’m guessing you have to go soon?” He asked, looking down at you.

“Well I am the maid of honor you know, I think someone will notice if I’m not there.”

“But what if I told you I just wanted to hold you all day instead?” He smirked. The hold that this man already had over you..

“What if I told you, that starting tomorrow you never had to let go of me again?” He sat up quickly and looked down at you.

“You mean it?”

“Well I don’t just spend the night with anyone, Mathew. I think our friends might just be right…” You smiled, he came down to kiss you so fast you didn’t even know what hit you. Was it crazy to rush into something so fast? Maybe. But did it feel right? Absolutely. You’d read all the romance novels of quick relationships, always telling yourself it wasn’t actually like that. Those were just fairy tales you could read about, nothing like that would ever happen in real life.

It took a little more convincing for him to actually let you get out of bed and go to the bridal suite where everyone was getting ready. Of course he had to be with the grooms party, but somehow it never took guys quite as long to get ready.

“Are you sure you have to go right now?” He asked once he pulled away from you. You didn’t want to get out of the nice comfy bed with a pretty man laying in it but duty called.

“Yessss, do you think you’ll be able to survive without me for a few hours?” You started to throw off the covers, but he pulled you back in.

“No, I don’t actually. I might just lay here and cry all day!” You laughed, knowing that both the bride and groom would come for him but let him pretend.

“You’ll be fine, I promise. If you let me go, I’ll let you grab my butt when we dance later.”

“DEAL!” One more quick kiss, and you were finally able to get up. One wave goodbye as you opened the door to leave, and you were off. You had to stop by your own room to get your dress and makeup, and then it was off to the bridal suite. You were surprisingly one of the first ones to arrive, and were able to eat a little bit of breakfast for once. Everyone in the bridal party got to choose their own dress as long as it was within the color palette, and yours was your favorite shade of blue. It fits you in all of the right places, just the way that it should. The bride paid for everyone’s hair to be done, and once everyone was all finished getting ready it was time to take pictures of the bridal party. The photographer seemed to be on her A-game, and for once things were running on time in your life. Anthony already gone to take his place

Finally you got to have a moment just you and your best friend on her big day. The day both of you had talked about since you were kids, the one that you spent planning on pinterest for hours without even a thought of someone in the picture.

“Hannah… you look stunning! I hope today is everything you ever dreamed it would be. I can’t wait to see the look on Anthony’s face when he sees you today. I’ll still beat him up if he ever hurts you though. Are you ready?”

“Have I told you I love you yet today?”

“I love you too girl. Let’s get you married!” Each bridesmaid had their groomsman, and you took your place at the end. Mat walked around the corner and paused when he saw you, stopping him dead in his tracks.

“You like something you see sir?” He offered up his arm for you to take once he made his way to you.

“Tu es le seul que je veux.” He repeated his words from last night, kissing your cheek.

“Me too.” You’d learn how to say it in french, one day at least.

Of course there wasn’t a dry eye in the house after the ceremony. After all of the guests made their way to the reception hall and the rest of the wedding party photos were taken, the evening seemed to go rather smoothly. You may or may not have felt Mat’s hand graze across your butt a few times during pictures, but you kindly reminded him that he wasn’t allowed to feel your butt until you got to dance. He acted like you were torturing him though, depriving him of a dream.

You wanted to get your wedding mingling out of the way first, so that you could enjoy the night with who you wanted. It did not go without notice that Mat’s eyes were following you around the room in a very flirty kind of way. You hadn’t felt like this in a really long time, like you could relax because you were finally comfortable with someone.

“Hey bestie, how is your night going?” Hannah found her way over to you, and more of your friends noticed. You recognized what was happening, they wanted to get all of the dirty details about you and Mat. Of course their plan was successful, but you were also a proud individual. All of them were smiling a little too big at you, asking without actually asking.

“I know what you’re trying to do here!” You accused her.

“Don’t waste time woman, we wanna know! How’s it going with Mat?” Hannah asked.

“I saw you going into his room last night!”

“We know you two snuck off last night, don’t even lie.”

“Where did he take you! Was it romantic?”

“One question at a time!” You were only one person after all, “It’s still very new, we just met this weekend.”

“That smile doesn’t lie sweetie.” You were a bad liar and they knew it.

“Okay fine. Yes we snuck off last night, yes I was in his room but we didn’t do anything but talk and make out, he took me to a beach, and yes it was romantic! Now if you don’t mind, I promised my man a dance and that he could touch my butt. I always keep my promises!”

“YOUR MAN?”

You ran before they could question you further, right towards Mat, who held his arms open for you. Hiding things was never your strong suit, so you two had decided to not even bother.

“They look like you just told them the world is going to end tonight, what happened?” He asked, bringing you into his arms for all the world to see. Clearly he was ready to make everyone aware you were an item, and you weren’t going to object.

“I called you my man, and then immediately walked away.” You smiled up at him.

“Oh you did?”

“Yes sir.”

“I guess that does leave us with the big question.”

“What question?”

“What are we going to do with us? Did this weekend make you want to see me again?” Great opportunities rarely presented themselves at your doorstep. Mat had treated you better in the last 24 hours than a lot of people and you already knew your loved ones approved. It felt right, your gut always had a good feeling about these things. It would always be fun to tell the grandkids you met at a wedding, you’d tell them the part about the bar when they were old enough.

“I said you were my man, did I not?”

“Well you did keep me waiting ma’am, that’s a criminal offense. I’m not sure if I’m your man yet.” He said through a smile.

“Oh is that so?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Nah I’m just fuckin with you, I’ve been dying to kiss you all night.” He brought his hands up to cup either side of your face, and kissed you in a way that shouldn’t be in the middle of your best friends wedding reception.

“You don’t want to touch my butt?” You ask when you finally pull apart.

“Of course I do, but if I touch your butt right now we would be leaving this party within the next few minutes and I believe we both have important things to do.” He whispered in your ear, giving him a look. A look that said I know you want to take my clothes off right now, so I’m going to do my best to tease you. After pulling away, Mat offered you his hand for the dance you had promised.

Standing in the middle of the dance floor with him, while looking at your surroundings and seeing how happy your best friend was, kind of hit you like a sack of bricks. A few years ago if someone had told you this was where your life would end up, you’d have called them crazy. You felt him kiss your forehead as you danced, and you felt yourself melt into him a little. You had no defenses against him, your walls suddenly disappeared when he was near. If he was out of your sight, suddenly the world wasn’t as clear anymore. Maybe summer wasn’t just a time for flings, because this one felt different. Who would have thought just one summer weekend could be so life changing.

........

Half a summer and one year later…

You couldn’t believe you were standing where you were. Summer was starting to become your favorite season. The only thing that brought you back down to earth was the squeeze you felt on your hand from your new husband. The look of reassurance on his face told you all that you needed to know, that he loved you and that you’d be fine. Crowds weren’t always your thing, even if it was your own wedding.

“You ready?”

He knew the timing of your entrance better than anyone, and you could hear Tito start to speak from the other side of the door. The doors opened, blinding you with light. You felt one last squeeze, and then your brain managed to get your feet to start moving again.

“My friends, it is my honor and great pleasure to introduce to you for the very first time… MR. AND MRS. MATHEW BARZAL!”

[residenthughes]

slow sundays - mat barzal

pairing: mat barzal x gender neutral reader

word count: 1k

tags/warnings: fluff, domestic fluff, no mention of y/n

summary: any day spent with barzal is always good, especially sundays.

notes: a little something i wrote when i should have been sleeping, oops! may write a longer version, may not but i'll definitely write up something else longer for barzy, as well as some other fics that i've started and am very excited to share, hehe! as always, hope this finds u well and that you enjoy this small ball of fluff. much love! <3

oh! forgot to mention, this post is inspired by this post by @novelbear! they spoil tumblr rotten with such adorable prompts! :)

Sundays are your favourite days of the week. The normal anxieties that creep in from a long lived weekend cease to exist in your timeline, a day defined by slow sweetness and sacred serenity. This year you’ve really lucked out with said day, most of Mat’s games scheduled another time and on the off chance he has practice, it’s before you can even pry yourself from the comfort of your cloud-like mattress. This is one of those Sundays, where you’re tucked away in citrus scented sheets, fast asleep as Mat presses a tender kiss on the bridge of your nose before he goes off to do what he does best, leaving you to emerge from your cocoon whenever you please.

You decide shortly after Mat departs to desert the covers, arranging them neatly with a sleepy pout set onto your puffy lips before starting your share of morning chores. Amidst the array of bits and bobs you cater to around your cosy home, you cook up a breakfast built for two - piping hot and ready to eat by the time Mat’s car pulls up the driveway. 

You drape your arms lazily around his nape, beaming a lovesick grin as you peck your long-time lover. “Good practice?”

“Great practice,” he breathes against you, minty fresh with the faint waft of his accompanying cologne. His strong arms pull you impossibly closer, your body snug in his embrace. “But I’ve got better things waiting for me right here.”

His large hands cup a handful of your butt, giving it a cheeky squeeze that involuntarily makes you jump against him, your cheeks crimsoning. “And to think, that’s the thanks I get for making us breakfast.”

Mat releases his grip as you back away, disbelief washing all over his sculpted features as he gives you a cocked eyebrow and a petty laugh. “Says the one who-”

Your hand comes up, an index finger raised. “Don’t finish that sentence.”

Wordlessly, Mat holds his hands up in surrender, brazen-faced as you send him an eye-roll with crossed arms. Despite the circumstances, your hands find the top of his zipper, opening up his coat before you hang it up near the door in perfect routine. The selfless action still warrants one of your favourite kisses from your boyfriend, kisses from side-to-side - a kiss on the cheek, nose and cheek again. A simple action but one that robs you of all oxygen, a lightness in your limbs and a tingle down your spine. You soon turn around with Mat trailing not far behind as you venture back to your spacious kitchen, settling at the quaint table for two - a single vase rose separating your plates packed with all your breakfast favourites.

Before you have the chance to take your seat at your baby blue painted table, Mat comes up from behind you, cradling you in his sugary embrace as he plants a delicate kiss against your temple, your heart overflowing with the magic of your slow Sundays together. “How’d I get so lucky?”

You hum blissfully, a hand delicate against his stubble-ridden cheek as you simply exist together, limbs tangled as you savour the moment like sand slipping through your fingertips. A quick kiss against Mat’s prickly cheek puts a pause on the moment, your grin giddy as your hand takes Mat’s as you direct him to sit, which he does - no questions asked, fuschia dusted upon the apples of his cheeks.

You fall into perfect routine, your brunch a show that consists of all your favourites: Mat’s cutlery glimmering in the soft rays pouring into the windowed kitchen as he cuts his food, ceremoniously offering you the first bite of his food with the same smitten closed mouth smile that he had the first day he met you. Happily, you accept his generous offer and take a bite, beaming with full rosy cheeks as he swipes the crumbs with such an earnest shimmer in his eyes that it makes your heart squeeze with joy.

Your brunch continues in similar fashion, two enamoured partners basking in the company of another as you bond over a hearty plate of food, time lost in endless dialogues and timeless ‘I love you’s. When there’s nothing but crumbs speckled across your ceramic plates, Mat shoos you away before you can get a protest in, you resorting to sulking on the edge of couch as the sounds of plates clinking together competes with the noise coming from the TV. 

When everything’s said and done, the washing up dried and packed away, Mat shuffles into the lounge, falling into the couch with a grunt as he positions himself as close to you as possible. You can never bring yourself to mind, head falling to his broad shoulder once he’s propped his feet against the hickory coffee table with his arm circling your shoulders. Another kiss atop your head tells you he’s settled and you melt into his side, no objections sounding from your long-time boyfriend as reruns of 'The Bachelor' blare from the TV. If anything, Mat immerses just as much as you. Well, as much as the slightly fatigue man can as his fingers absently fiddle with locks of your hair, the gesture a lullaby that aids your sudden drowsiness that links hands with the warmth emitting from Mat’s body that always fits against yours like a puzzle piece.

Before you’re able to drift away into a shallow slumber, a slumber you both shall share prior to your simple plans for the day, Mat’s sleep-laced voice calls out to you. 

“Waking up next to you is the best part of my day.”

And you chuckle softly because of the simple fact you know this to be true - evidenced in the way affirmations of love fall so easily from his lips, in the way he never allows you to walk near any busy roads and buys you flowers just because. And, best of all, when your precious Sunday comes and goes, your Monday view consists of your beautiful boyfriend as you reverse out of your driveway, a sleepy smile mellowed into his features as he sees you off, hollering one and the same line wishing you a great day at work, which is nothing but granted if you’ve got him by your side. 

[v6quewrlds]

❝ fever, m. barzal. ❞  ‎ ‎ ┉  

‎ ‎ ⁎⠀┉⠀summary: it's your birthday. mat's horny. nothing new.

‎ ‎ ⁎⠀┉⠀author's note: this was supposed to part of a wip that i'm scraping because i hate it 🙂‍↕️🫶🏾. but this scene was tew good for me to throw in the trash so here it is!

‎ ‎ ⁎⠀┉⠀warnings: smut, please do not interact with my work if you are under 18. established relationship, language, sexual content, unprotected sex, penetration, fingering, handjob, description of ejaculation, mathew barzal is a problem.

‎ ‎ ⁎⠀┉⠀pairing: mathew barzal x reader.

‎ ‎ ⁎⠀┉⠀word count: 2k.

The gentle early light of dawn crept through the curtains and scattered across your face. The sound of a distant lawnmower mingled with the song of the morning birds on the easy April morning. Your boyfriend lay next to you, breathing a soft, rhythmic hum in the quiet room. The scent of his minty toothpaste tickled your nose, hinting at his ritualistic morning routine. You felt his warm hand splayed over your waist, his thumb tracing small, comforting circles. The softness of the mattress and the weight of his arm were familiar anchors in an unfamiliar space—his childhood home.

Mat had insisted the two of you stay at his parents' house last night after celebrating the Islanders clinching their playoff spot. The excitement from the game still lingered in the air, a faint buzz of energy that seemed to have seeped into the very fabric of the room. You, however, were in a state of tranquil bliss, your mind floating in a sea of contentment. You had worked tirelessly on your master's thesis for months, and now, it was finally done—the approval email hit your inbox in the middle of the game last night, your supervising professor's praise the sweetest victory of all.

Mat leaned over, his lips brushing your forehead, and whispered, "Happy birthday, gorgeous."

Your cheeks warmed at the realization that you had forgotten to mention it was your birthday to anyone but him. "Thank you, honey," you cooed, still nestled in the warm cocoon of the bed.

Mat's eyes danced with mischief as he suggested, "How about a little birthday surprise to start your day right?" He winked and gestured towards the door, the bathroom just across the hall. Your eyes narrowed, understanding his intent. You glanced at the clock—9:17 AM—his parents were probably downstairs already.

"Mat, seriously?" you whispered, trying to ignore the thrill that danced through you at the thought.

Mat grinned, his teeth flashing white in the morning light. "Come on, babe. Live a little. They won't hear us," he said, his voice low and persuasive. Despite your reservations, the excitement in his voice was infectious. He climbed out of bed, his tall frame moving with a comfortable grace. His hand reached back to you, and you took it, allowing him to pull you out of the covers and into his embrace.

You tiptoed across the cold hardwood floor to the bathroom with shared giggles, Mathew attempting and failing to silence your sneaky amusement. You couldn't help but feel like a teenager again, sneaking out with a forbidden boyfriend. The sound of the shower cranked up to full blast filled the room, and Mat stepped in first, the water cascading over his broad shoulders. He held out his hand for you, and you took it, stepping over the threshold. The heat washed over you, a stark contrast to the coolness of the house. You felt his strong arms wrap around your waist, pulling you in close, his warmth seeping into your skin.

Mat's eyes held yours as he whispered sweet birthday nothings into your ear, making your heart flutter against your bare chest, a silver 'M' perched between your breasts. The water streamed down your bodies, melding them together as one. His touch grew firmer, more urgent, as you kissed passionately under the showerhead. Your shyness melted away, replaced by a fiery need that matched his.

Your bodies intertwined, moving in a silent dance of desire. The steam thickened around you, turning the bathroom into a personal sanctuary. Your coils sticking to your back, your usual careful attention to your wash day routines thrown to the wind, a testament to the heat building between you. You both knew the risks—his parents' footsteps echoing below, Liana's room right beside Mat's room—but the excitement of your secret tryst only heightened the intensity of the moment.

You felt the warm water run down your face as you kissed, a perfect excuse to hide the smile that pulled at the corners of your mouth. Mat's hands roamed your body with the confidence of a man who knew every inch of his lover, his fingers tracing the curve of your hips and the small of your back. He picked you up effortlessly, your legs wrapped around his waist, and he pressed you against the tiled wall, the coolness starkly contrasting your fevered skin. You gasped into his mouth as he entered you, the sensation of his hardness overwhelming your senses.

"Mat," you whispered, a mix of pleasure and nerves in your voice as he carried you in the steamy shower, your bodies moving together in a passionate dance that seemed to have a rhythm all of its own. His eyes searched yours, a silent question that you answered with a nod, your eyes sparkling with excitement. You always had this unspoken understanding, a connection that went deeper than words.

He held you tightly, your legs wrapped around his waist, and you felt his muscles tense and release as he moved, the water droplets on his skin gliding onto yours. Your breath hitched as you felt the peak of your climax approaching, your body tightening around him. His kiss grew deeper, his grip stronger, and you knew he felt it too. In the haze of passion, you heard the creak of a floorboard outside the bathroom door, and your eyes shot open. But Mat either didn't hear or didn't care, his focus solely on you, his love and desire a wall against the outside world.

"Do you hear that?" You whispered urgently, your eyes wide as the sound of footsteps grew closer. But he was lost in the moment, the victory of last night's game and the excitement of the day ahead fueling his passion. He kissed you deeper, his hands roaming, and you knew he wasn't going to stop. The floorboards outside the bathroom door creaked again, louder this time, and you clamped your hand over your mouth, trying to muffle your whimpers.

Mat looked down at you, a question in his eyes, but you could see the smug satisfaction there too. He knew you were close, and he wasn't going to let anything ruin it.

With a gentle kiss to your neck, he murmured, "Don't worry, baby," his voice was a soothing rumble that sent shivers down your spine. "I got you."

He reached for the shower handle and turned the water to a pulsing massage setting, the thunderous beat of the water masking any sounds you might make.

Your movements grew more urgent, the beat of the water punctuating your silent cries of pleasure. Your nails dug into his shoulders, your body arching back as his hips snapped in a particularly rough thrust, his eyes squeezed shut. "I'm gonna come," he hissed, pulling out of you as you whined at the loss of his heat.

He set you down, the cool tile a stark contrast to the warmth of his body, and turned you around to face the showerhead. His hands gripped your hips, holding you steady as he towered over you, the water cascading over your shoulders and down your back. You leaned forward, bracing yourself with a hand against the wall, your other hand reaching back to grip his throbbing cock. You felt a thrill of power knowing you could make this strong, elite athlete quiver with need.

Mat's breath hitched as you began to stroke him, your grip firm but gentle. The sound of the shower was a cocoon around you, muffling your breaths and the slick sounds of your skin moving against each other. He leaned over you, his chest pressing against your back, his hands slipping around your waist to cup your breasts. You could feel his heart hammering against your spine, his excitement mirroring your own. Mathew pulled your torso up to meet him under the spray of the shower head. Your mouths found each other, kissing fiercely, sharing the taste of mint and passion.

He whimpered against your ear, his straying hand faltering for a moment before finding the front of your body. His fingers slipped down, teasing your clit as you stroked him. Your breath caught in your throat, the pressure building as you felt his thumb rub circles around your swollen nub. The heat from the water and his touch was almost too much to bear.

Mat's breath grew ragged, his eyes squeezed shut as you worked him, your strokes matching the tempo of the water's pulsing beat. He groaned, his body tightening, and you knew he was close. You felt a thrill of excitement, your own climax just a whisper away. You could feel the tremble in his legs as he fought to keep standing, the head of his cock leaking against your hand.

Any discomfort in your spine melted away with the pleasure of his fingers on your bundle of nerves and the sound of his labored breathing and strained whimpers in your ear. You felt yourself teetering on the edge of an orgasm, your legs quivering slightly. The footsteps outside grew closer, but the anticipation only heightened your passion. Mat's hands left your breasts to hold your hips firmly in place as he thrust into your hand, his breath hot and needy against your neck. You could feel his muscles tensing, his release imminent.

Your hand quickened, your grip tightening just the way he liked it, and suddenly, he was coming, the hot spurts of him hitting your back as he groaned into your shoulder. You stroked him through it, the intimate moment making you feel powerful and loved. Your own climax crashed over you, your body tightening around the emptiness where he had just been, your hand slowing to a stop. You both panted, the only sound in the room save for the steady beat of the shower.

Mat leaned heavily against you, his forehead resting between your shoulder blades, his chest heaving with exertion. You felt a bubble of laughter form in your chest at your shared secret, at the absurdity of your desperate morning tryst. You couldn't remember the last time you had felt so free.

The footsteps outside had long ago disappeared, replaced by the comforting sound of the shower. You remained in your embrace, facing each other head-on to delve back into a kiss, the water beating down on your intertwined bodies, the steam a tangible presence in the small space.

As you kissed, you felt Mat's hands slip away from your hips to glide up your body, his fingertips leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. He cupped your face, his thumbs brushing the water out of your eyes, and you realized you had been crying. Tears of joy and release mingled with the shower's flow.

He looked at you with a softness that made your heart swell, whispering, "I love you." You whispered it back, the words a sacred promise, a declaration of your unspoken bond.

You took your time, the water washing away the sweat and the evidence of your love. You felt the soap slowly soothing your over-sensitive skin as you basked in the aftermath. Finally, when the water began to cool, you stepped out, wrapping yourselves in a shared fluffy towel. You placed a shy peck on Mat's shoulder, whispering, "Thank you," your voice hoarse from your passionate whispers. He grinned down at you, his teeth bright and perfect, the same grin that had captured your heart so many months ago.

As you snuck back across the hallway to Mat's room, wrapped in your shared towel, you couldn't help the giggles that bubbled up from your chest. The thrill of your secret rendezvous had you feeling giddy, like you were high on love. Mat's hand squeezed yours gently, a silent reminder of the incredible intimacy you had just shared. You felt your heart beat quicken as you approached the door, the sound of muffled voices from downstairs growing louder.

You dressed quickly, your body still humming with the echoes of pleasure. Mat's playful swats to your ass as you stepped into your underwear only served to fuel the warmth that still lingered between your thighs. He pulled on a pair of boxer briefs, shorts, and a t-shirt, his eyes never leaving yours, the smugness clear as he watched you get dressed. The scent of him clung to your skin as you threw on a hoodie and shorts of your own, the fabric whispering over your sensitive skin.

[islesnucks]

Voicemail - Mathew Barzal x Reader - TEASER

Hey! This is so random after like a year of not posting any fics but here's a small preview of one of the Barzy fics I've been working on. I'll probably post it next week.

Summary: what started as an accidentall voicemial to your ex boyfriend ended up becoming routine and maybe even more

Add yoruself to the taglist if you wanna be notified when i post the fic! PS: ill also use my old taglist so if you were in it but changed your url and wanna be notified please add yourself again and also let me know which is your old url so i can delete it, thanks!

“Fuck it. I can't do this.” You pulled your phone away from your ear and touched the red dot.

That’s it. He didn’t need to know, he probably wouldn’t even care. Who would want their ex to call to tell them they were doing great? That maybe after all the breakup was worth it because they had gotten into the program they had neglected their relationship for? Too long, right?

A second later, realization struck like lightning – you had ended the call before deleting the voicemail. It had been sent.

"Oh no, no, no!" you exclaimed, eyes widening in horror. There was no turning back. Mat would undoubtedly hear you stumbling over your words. Why couldn't you have just left well enough alone? The last thing he needed was you barging back into his life with a pathetic voicemail about something he likely moved on from. ‘He probably already despises me after how everything unfolded, and now this’ you thought.

You were wrong, because no longer than 5 minutes after everything had gone down your phone was buzzing in your hand, Mat’s contact bright in the center as he now waited for you to pick up for a change.

"Mat." you picked up.

"Hey. You called me?"

-

POSTED HERE!!

[prettytoxicrevolver]

Five Times You Almost Kissed Mat Barzal and The One Time You Did

Warnings: None, not proofread

Word Count: 3.4k

Five 

“Do something with it!!” you yell angrily at the screen and Mat laughs lightly next to you. 

You fall back into the couch with a huff, Mat still laughing next to you. You look up at your best friend, a light smile placed on his lips and you reflect it, before rolling your eyes at him. 

“Can I help you?” you ask and he shakes his head, his smile turning more into a mischievous grin. 

“Nope. Just enjoying knowing what you look like at my games,” he responds. 

You roll your eyes again but a hint of a smile forces its way onto your lips, your feelings wanting to escape every minute you were next to Mat. You push them back instead, snuggling next to Mat on the couch. Your hands find their way to his bicep, holding on lightly as your head falls to his shoulder. 

Mat moves one hand to the back of your thigh, pulling you closer to him while effectively sending your heart straight into the stratosphere. You lean into his side, but his hand doesn’t move from its place on your leg. You try to slow your heartbeat down as you relax into Mat’s warm figure but your focus falls from the game to the boy next to you. 

Your eyes trail over the time, seeing it’s nearing midnight and sudden tiredness takes over you. Mat’s warmth does nothing to help, only making your eyes flutter to a close with ease. 

Mat’s eyes are trained on the TV with an attempt to ignore the growing thump of his heart when he’s around you. He had claimed he didn’t want to watch the game with you, but in reality, he’d do anything if it meant he could be by your side. His eyes trail over to you, a soft smile crawling onto his lips. 

Mat nudges you awake and your eyes flutter back open, searching for a moment to look over the TV before turning to Mat. Your chin props on top of his shoulder and you look up at him through your eyelashes. 

“Stay awake, you’re the one who wanted to watch the game,” he reminds you and you smile tiredly. 

“Hush I know,” you say. 

You search his eyes, a steady silence falling around the two of you. Your heart beats rapidly against his arm, and you wonder if he can feel the shakiness of your touch. 

Mat is entranced by your gaze, wanting to look everywhere but your eyes but not being able to. He aches to close the distance between the two of you, to change your relationship status, and yet all he could do was look into your mesmerizing (y/e/c) eyes. 

“MacKinnon with the rebound and he shoots, scores!!” The announcers pull you both from your trance, scaring you off from the possibility. 

Four 

Your morning was seriously not going as planned. 

You had forgotten your textbooks for your class, forgotten your students' essays to grade, forgotten to make lunch or bring money for it, and basically forgot all important things for your school day. It was a nightmare, to say the least. All you could really do was chalk it up to it being the end of the school year and hope you make it through the day. 

Mat had noticed you left everything at home when he woke up. It was his day off, the coach giving them a break from practice and even though he would head to the gym later, he still decided to sleep in a little. When he entered your shared living room, he noticed your textbooks and the essays you were grading sprawled out on the coffee table. 

A frown burrowing on his face as he makes his way into the kitchen to find a half-made lunch and your lunch bag sitting on the counter. He pouts at the sight, knowing you must have been beyond stressed and frustrated that you left your things. 

He had seen you do this before, whenever the end of the school year came, or a stressful point happened in your life you were chronic at forgetting things. It was an unfortunate habit of your messy mind but it happened. However, Mat had always noticed and always made the attempt to bring you anything you needed. 

He pulls out his phone, not seeing any texts or notifications from you but shrugging it off. He gathers up your stuff as neatly as possible before heading back into his room to change into something somewhat appropriate to wear at your school. 

You hit fourth period, only feeling the day weigh on you more and more as you realize how frazzled the end of the year makes you. You were opening seven thousand different tabs, trying to grade student work, and pull up the content you would teach as your students waited patiently for you to give them instructions. 

“Okay guys,” you say, finally standing to start the class. 

Mat had the drive to your school memorized by now. He loved visiting you and seeing you working away as you got to see him so often. It was the cutest thing, your short self commanding a room of teenagers, some listening intently and asking questions, others not always taking you seriously. 

Today he approaches your classroom, the door swung wide open as your voice booms over the room. He relaxes into the doorway, head tilted as he looks at you, refusing to bother you just yet as you teach. His eyes trail your figure, a soft but proud smile resting on his lips. 

Your students had noticed him before you did, some smiling and waving at him. He waves back, recognizing some of your students who he’s met before. His head leans against the door, a lovestruck look in his eyes, and your students have completely lost the point of your lesson, watching a love story unfold before them. 

Finally, your eyes follow theirs, reaching the doorway to see Mat standing there. Your confusion turns partly to embarrassment and part to joy seeing your best friend there. 

“No, go back to teaching,” he waves your look off before you can even say anything. 

“What’s up?” you ask, ignoring his plea. 

You knew the minute you had become aware of Mat’s presence you wouldn’t be able to focus. Your thoughts go blank at his presence and narrowing on your shaky hands, rapidly beating heart. Mat crosses the room to you, handing you the things you forgot this morning. 

“I came to drop your stuff off and take you to lunch?” he questions and you grin. 

“Give me a few minutes? The bell’s gonna ring soon.” 

Mat nods telling you he’s gonna run to the bathroom and come back to grab you before he can take you to lunch. You watch his figure retreat, a dopey smile left on your lips and when you turn back to your students they grin at you. 

“Miss, are you guys finally dating?” Comes from one of your girls in the back. 

“Guys we’re just friends,” you tell them and your boys groan. 

“Does he say that or do you?” a boy in the back asks. 

“Well,” 

“Oh my god Miss,” they all groan and you laugh. 

You usher them back to learning but the bell rings and just as soon as Mat has left he’s back and saying goodbye to your students. Once they’re gone he makes his way to you, looking proud and mischievous all in one. 

“Hey you’re pretty good at this,” he says and you laugh. 

“Well thank you,” you say, moving around the room to clean up after your students. 

“Hey,” Mat says, grabbing your arm and pulling you closer. 

“I mean it. You’re a great teacher.” 

A blush covers your cheeks, a hand comes to rest on Mat’s side and he gazes down at you, your heart doing backflips as you look up at your best friend. His hand slides from your arm to your shoulder, pulling you flush against him. Your other hand lays on his chest, his heart slamming steadily against your fingertips.

Your eyes search each other’s hearts beating hard in anticipation. You stand on your tiptoes inching closer to Mat, he leans down, his forehead touching yours and for a moment you think everything might change. 

“Shit, sorry (y/n/n),” you hear, pulling you and Mat from each other. 

You look up to see one of your fellow teachers in the doorway, a blush covering his cheeks as he catches you and Mat together. You plop your head on Mat’s chest, chuckling lightly before pulling away and dragging him out the door with you.

Three

As weird as it sounded, you loved blasting music in your room, folding laundry, and dancing around like an absolute idiot. Mat was at practice leaving the apartment to you, and you were taking full advantage of it. Your favorite Bazzi album surrounds the room as you dance and work on folding all of yours and Mat’s laundry. 

Mat was somewhat grateful practice ended early. He felt like he hadn’t spent any time with you in ages and was missing your smile. He headed home instantly, declining to go out with his friends knowing you would be home. 

He raced home, dropping his stuff at the door and following the sound of your music playing loud in the apartment. He makes his way to your door, a dorky smile finding its way onto his lips as he watches you. 

You dance unknowingly around the room, singing quietly under your breath to whatever song had you entranced for the moment. Your music changed like your emotions and Mat had a special talent for knowing how you felt just from the song you were playing. 

You fold clothes mindlessly, throwing yours in one pile and his in the other. The tiny chore done for him makes his heart pound. It was simple and dumb but he loved your selflessness nonetheless. 

As one song ends, Mat decides to make his presence known, 

“Bravo!” he yells. 

You jump, ten feet in the air it feels like when you hear Mat’s voice come from behind you. You whip around, glaring at Mat before placing one hand on your knee, the other on your chest, clutching your heart as it pounds from the scare. 

“Mathew Barzal!” you yell employing your best friend’s full name. 

Mat cackles loudly, mimicking your movements as he bends over to laugh at his best friend. You pick up a piece of clothing, throwing it half-heartedly at him as your heart starts to slow down. As Mat watches you slowly gain your composure, an idea sparks, mischief behind his eyes forming. 

“Mat,” you warn, knowing the older boy has an idea planned. 

Mat rushes forward, hooking an arm around your waist and pulling you down onto the bed with him. You shriek loudly as your back hits the mattress with a thud, Mat landing on top of you. 

“Barzal!” you yell frustrated but there’s a hint of laughter in your annoyance and Mat can spot it, giggling quietly against you. 

“I thought I’d help,” he says, propping his chin up to look at you. 

You gaze down at him, grinning madly at the dumb but unbelievably lovable boy beneath you. Mat’s hair falls before his eyes and you lift one hand up to push it out of the way. Mat catches your hand as you card your fingers through his hair, pulling it to his lips to press a kiss to your fingers. 

You freeze at the contact, watching Mat’s every move. Your song changes into the background, one of the very few Bazzi love songs only making your heart float higher. Mat moves slightly, one of his hands resting next to your head, the other trailing up and down your side. Your breath hitches as he lowers to meet you, his nose brushing yours. 

The dryer sounds, beeping loud and scaring you both more than Mat did a few minutes ago. Mat jumps, dropping his head back down on your stomach and you feel the sigh he releases. 

Two

“One dance?” Noah begs and you roll your eyes. 

“Mat?” you ask, trying to get your best friend to help you. 

“Nope this is between you two,” he responds, taking a long sip of his drink. 

“You owe me,” Noah reminds you, and you nod before taking his outstretched hand. 

Noah leads you away, your only look back to your best friend is the wink he sends you and you flip him off but smile anyway. 

Noah sweeps you up, hands wrapped around your waist as you move around the room together. He had needed someone to dance with, part to make another girl jealous, part to get over another girl and you were reluctant but fine with helping out a friend as much as possible. You also owed Noah, him knowing about your massive crush on Barzy, had him covering for you and playing wingman in more ways than one. 

“Are you ever gonna tell him?” he asks as you sway slowly around the ballroom. 

“Are you ever going to tell her?” you turn it back on him and he nods, a blown-out smile in return. 

“Touche.” 

You dance for a bit longer in silence, but your gaze falls to Mat every so often. 

“See here’s the thing,” Noah says, pulling your attention back to him. You stare into his eyes, awaiting the wisdom the defenseman would drop onto you. “If you tell him, you could be dancing with him and not me.” 

“I think even if I was dating him I’d end up dancing with you Noah,” you joke and he laughs. 

“Yeah but it’s because you’re just so damn irresistible,” he jokes back, making you throw your head back in laughter. 

Mat hasn’t taken his eye off of you since you walked away with his teammate. His teammate knew his feelings for the girl and wondered why he would put him through the torture of this jealousy. He watches Noah hold the girl he loves the way he should, and his heart twists when her head is thrown back in laughter, the sound ringing in his head. 

He can’t help the movement in his legs when the song ends and another begins and Noah still has his hands on you. He marches up to the two of you, Noah noticing his presence first and nudging you to look over at him. 

“Mind if I cut in?” 

“All yours,” Noah says, handing your hand to him and Mat is happy to sweep you up into his arms. 

“Ah a much better dancer,” you say and Mat grins widely down at you. 

“What were you guys talking about?” 

“Oh, Noah’s just spilling all of your deep dark secrets,” you grin mischievously. 

“You mean all the things you already know?” 

“Exactly doll,” you joke and he chuckles and shakes his head. 

Mat’s heart was surprisingly calm dancing with you like this is where he’s supposed to be. With Noah, you looked everywhere, mostly trying to look at Mat, but now you couldn’t keep your eyes off the dance partner in front of you. The moment created before you, the two of you are the only ones in the world at this point. 

Your movements had slowed to barely a sway, entranced by each other. You can feel the two of you moving closer, the tension building and your heart slowing but your hands shaking. 

“Hey, can I-” 

You both pull back to see Noah grinning dorkily at the two of you. You don’t realize it but the middle man of your relationship receives the same look just as Noah takes your waist again, and Mat walks away both of you sad that your moment is ruined. 

One 

The slam of a puck against the boards makes you jump, instantly waking you up from your tired 6 am state. You pull your iced coffee to your chest and take a sip, propping a hand up to rest your cheek on it. 

You hadn’t been to an early practice in a while but wanted to surprise Mat with coffee and breakfast afterward. You also knew that if you woke up early and showed up at the rink you could get some work done as you listened to the boy’s practice. 

Mat didn’t notice you were in the stands at first. Noah was the one to nudge him till he lost his balance, and point up to the row where you sat. It was not unlike what you looked like at home, papers spread around you, head bent, lip tugged between your teeth, as you scribbled across the papers furiously. He pauses to focus on you and ends up with a check to his side by Pageau. 

“Come on man,” Mat groans, stumbling to catch himself. 

“Pay attention man,” he calls, and both he and Noah skate off laughing. 

The rest of practice is fast and hard, Mat’s attention splits between you and the tasks at hand, and when coach calls it to an end Mat has never felt more grateful. He skates off quickly, darting into the locker room. He showers and makes his way to where you sat in the arena. 

You sit blissfully unaware of what’s going on around you, not realizing practice has ended. Your head is still bent over your work and you miss Mat sneaking up behind you. 

“Authorized personnel only miss,” Mat jokes and your heart jumps for a moment but you hide it with a smile, lifting your head just barely and turning to meet his gaze. 

“Oh sorry I thought I had an in with a player,” you explain as he sits down next to you. 

“Really? Who?’ 

“Noah Dobson? He’s just so dreamy I’m pretty sure we’re gonna get married,” you continue the ruse and Mat shoves your head jokingly and you laugh loudly. 

“Seriously, what are you doing here so early?” 

“Wanted to get some work done. But I also wanted to take you out to breakfast. I feel like we haven’t seen each other in a while.” 

Mat grins as he leans over your work, his head replacing your previous view and you grin down at the older boy. Your eyes search his, joy radiating between the two of you as you fall quiet. You think about just closing the distance, finally breaking this growing tension. 

“Hey! Authorized people only!” A guard yells and you both giggle lightly as you pull away. 

You both hold bittersweetness in your heart but smile nonetheless as you walk away together and head to breakfast. 

And One 

“You have to pay attention to every second or else we’re no longer friends,” you tell Mat as he sits down and you throw your legs over his. 

He places the bowl of popcorn in your lap, your hands digging in instantly and Mat reaches for the remote pressing play in the comedy special. 

You insisted he watch Bo Burnham’s new special on netflix, the one that had you bawling by the end of it but meant the world to you. Mat had only agreed to watch because he knew you adored it. 

“Yup definitely paying attention,” he says, picking up his phone for a moment. 

You set the popcorn bowl down, reaching for Mat’s phone and he pouts at your action. You both end up giggling as your short arms try to reach his phone held into the air above you. 

You wiggle around moving so you’re practically straddling his lap as you grab his phone. When it’s in your hand, you smile widely claiming victory. 

You throw his phone to the side, finally looking down at Mat who’s had his eyes on you the entire time. Your hands fall to his chest, his heartbeat familiar under your fingertips. 

Mat’s hand comes up, his finger tilting your chin down to come closer and your foreheads press against each other. Your noses brush, breath mingling in wait. 

Mat’s other hand trails your waist, gripping it lightly while the other cups your cheek. He finally pulls you in, his lips pressing against yours firmly. You sink into the feeling letting out a sigh. 

The hype had definitely lived up, every inch of tension resolving and fizzling out in the kiss that was built since the day you met. You chase your feelings back and forth in the kiss not wanting to break thinking this would be the last time.

[cowboybarzy]

So y/n goes to this game like always everyone knows she’s barzal wife or girlfriend when the fight happens something snaps and she’s like yelling acting like there gonna hear her saying “HEY THATS MY MAN DONT TOUCH HIM LIKE THAT” people are recording her or she lands on the jumbo screen and the guys saying there’s go barzal gf or wife love to see this. They both end up going viral on Twitter mat was over the fight but y/n still was mad and going on and on saying wtf I would of squashed him if I was right there because no one grabs my man like that 😤 mat finds it entertaining because he’s never seen her this worked up and he’s kinda turned on by it knowing she would fight for him LOL even tho he wouldn’t allow it but he ends up kissing her by how in love he is with her maybe gets alittle smutty

now that fight last night was quite something and god Mathew I want you to do it again! but not too often, I need you to keep looking pretty.

wc: 820

cw: alludes to sex, but not really smut (sorry I’m working on other smut rn haha and didn’t have much time to write today)

gif made by @pyotrkochetkov

You turned around from the conversation you were having with a friend to see Mat finally come out of the locker room area. When he was close enough, you could see there was a big red bruise coating his nose and part of his cheek from the fight he was in earlier. “Aw, baby, are you ok?”

“Perfectly fine.” His smile was sweet and crooked as he wrapped his arms around you. Your lips brushed gently against his bruised skin then finally landed on his lips.

Once you were sure he was fine, you pulled apart and playfully punched him in the chest. “What the hell were you thinking? Fighting? Maty! You know my rule, no teeth, no wedding.”

He laughed. “I know your absolutely ridiculously absurd rule. Don’t worry, I’ll have all of my teeth for the big day.” He kissed the top of your head, still getting excited at the mention of your wedding even after months of being engaged and it being pretty much all planned already. “And he attacked me. I wasn’t about the back down. I’m not scared of a little fight.”

A rush of heat flowed through you, seeing him get worked up again. And you had to admit, as much as you hated the fighting aspect of hockey, it was kind of hot seeing Mat defend himself and get into a little brawl.

“And it looks like you’re not as mad as you’re pretending to be.” He totally picked up on your vibes.

“Alright, so maybe it was a little hot to watch,” you admitted. “But don’t make it a regular thing.”

“Sure about that?” His eyebrows raised and a little mischievous grin appeared as he pulled you closer to him by your hips.

“At least not until after the wedding. I need you looking pretty for the pictures.”

“Alright, no more fights until the wedding.”

———

“Ok, so maybe I will keep up the fights if you’re going to be this turned on afterwards,” Mat mumbled out of breath when you rolled off him, back onto the mattress.

“You made a promise,” you responded, yelping when his lips were back on your skin in seconds. His teeth graded your neck, down your naked chest.

“It’s very hard to resist.” He came back up to kiss you passionately. You had lost count of the amount of times you had sex within the last few hours of coming home from the game, sleeping, and waking up to more sex.

“Alright, get off me I’m starving.” He fell back into the pillows with a laugh, but instead of getting up to go to the kitchen, you grabbed your phone for your daily morning phone time. Mat did the same.

To your surprise, there were a ton of notifications. Texts, instagram, twitter, etc. And also from people you didn’t even know. A quick investigation told you that you were in fact the reason for all the fuss.

“You seen this?” Mat had the same expression on his face, as he was looking through the exact same type of notifications. People sending a video of you from the game last night, yelling during Mat’s fight. The person who filmed it was too far away to pick up audio, but based on reading your lips, people could tell you were yelling something the lines of ‘HEY THATS MY MAN DONT TOUCH HIM LIKE THAT’.

You looked to Mat for his reaction, but he was just laying there, naked, watching the video over and over again, his jaw slowly dropping. You watched him nervously, internally cringing that a video of you like that was currently trending. Mat finally faced you.

“My girl.” He laughed and was back on top of you in seconds. “My feisty girl. And here I thought you were upset I was fighting, but you would have easily stepped in.”

“I was just trying to protect your pretty face.” He smiled wide and started attacking you with kisses, sucking and biting your skin.

“I had no idea you could get so worked up.”

“I’ve been hanging around you for too long.” He chuckled and kissed you deeply. You could never get enough of him.

“Protecting me. I’m supposed to be the one protecting you.”

“You clearly need it.” You loved teasing him, especially since his kisses got more intense the longer it went on.

“I’m pretty sure I won that fight last night, so I can protect myself.” He got on his knees and his lips wandered down your body. One of his hands grabbed your breast, massaging it, while his lips started assaulting the other. He licked around your nipple, sucking and biting it playfully. “But my job is to take care of you.”

He moved further down the mattress, getting ahold of your thighs and roughly pulling them apart. “Now be a good girl and let me do my job.”

[midnightsnyx]

girl at home | mat barzal | part 10

pairing: mat barzal x fem!reader

warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of alcohol and vomit & fluff and not edited!! word count: 2.6k

a/n: so obviously this is fiction and we don't actually know what Mat or Liana or his parents personalities are actually like but I took some liberty with Liana's personality. see end for more notes cause I don't want to spoil anything :) also sorry this is so late!! i went back to work and then had trouble with this chapter. i hope you all enjoy! likes, reblogs and comments feed my writing soul so let me know what you think <3

masterlist masterpost ask box

Liana texts you the day after your meet-up with Mat at the park, apologizing for getting angry with you and asking to go out for drinks. You don’t have it in you to still be upset with her for yelling at you because she was always the little sister you never had and just because you and Mat are having problems, doesn’t mean it should affect your relationship with her. Sometimes you wonder if you’re too quick to forgive and forget but you know that this is an exception. 

“It’s just weird, y’know?” Liana mutters, laying her head on the dirty bar table. She’s on her third drink and you’re close to cutting her off. “I’m going to be an aunt again, but I have this odd feeling about Calista. Like she’s not telling the entire truth.” 

You startle when she suddenly bolts upright and looks at you with wide eyes. 

“What if Mat’s not the father? That would make so much sense!” 

“How so?” you ask carefully. So far, you have successfully kept the fact that Calista is not pregnant a secret. It’s a secret you will have to take to your grave because you can’t let Marlee get in trouble when all she was doing was trying to help you. The truth might come out some day, but it’s something you will deal with then. 

“Mat is just being weird about the whole thing, like he’s hiding something,” she says. “Well, besides the fact that he hasn’t told mom or dad… but there’s something else.” She picks up her glass and drinks the last of her martini before signinally the bartender for a refill. 

“I think it’s time we switch you to Shirley Temples,” you say gently, asking the bartender for a couple glasses of water. 

She tries to wave you off when you push the water towards her but you give her the all too familiar look that you used to give her when you were both younger. 

“Fine, but if I’m getting cut off, so–” she stops talking abruptly, suddenly focused on something across the room. You turn and see a familiar face that makes your heart drop into your stomach because there’s no way she’s that stupid and you’re about to say something but Liana hops off her barstool and before you can stop her, she’s marching across the room to where Calista is sitting. She’s surrounded by a few other people, one of them being a guy you can’t quite place but definitely isn’t Mat, but the real kicker is the drink in her hand. 

You’re not in the business of accusing people but the way she’s laughing loudly and swaying a little in her seat makes you think that it’s not a non-alcoholic drink. You stare a little too long because when you snap out of your stupor, it’s to a loud shriek and shouting. Nearly tripping over your own feet, you rush over to find both Calista and Liana being held back by people and shouting at each other. You manage to drag Liana out of the hands of the person holding her back but you can’t help but stare at Calista in shock. You know she’s not pregnant but you didn’t think she was stupid enough to test her luck by getting drunk at a bar and possibly being seen by people who think she is.  

“I knew something was off about you,” Liana shouts at Calista who only now seems to realize that you are also in the room. Her face, which was red, pales considerably and her eyes widen when she looks at you.

“You are pregnant!” Liana shrieks and when you hear people gasping and the whispers start, you know you need to get Liana out of here now. 

With strength you didn’t realize you have, you drag her outside. She shakes you off as soon as you’re out the doors and promptly throws up all over your shoes. You don’t give yourself time to be grossed out, pulling your phone out of your pocket and calling the first person you think of.

“Hello?” Jax mumbles and you’re panicking enough that you can’t feel sorry that you woke him up. 

“I need you to pick us up,” you gasp and suddenly you’re sixteen again, calling him to pick you up from a party that you snuck out to. 

Jax doesn’t hesitate before agreeing and asking where you are. You rattle off the name of the bar and he says he’ll be there in ten minutes even though you know his apartment is at least twenty minutes away. You’ve never been so grateful to have him as a friend. 

“You didn’t call Mat, right?” Liana asks quietly and you look to see her sitting on the curb, looking absolutely miserable. Her eyes are filled with unspilled tears and you can only imagine what’s going on in her head. 

“No,” you tell her, sitting down next to her and wrapping an arm around her. “I called Jax.”

She nods and leans her head on your shoulder. You sit in silence for a few minutes before she speaks and her voice is quiet and shaky. 

“She was never pregnant, was she?”

Maybe it’s the natural motherly instinct in you, but you realize you can’t lie to her when she’s so upset.

“No,” you tell her and then she’s crying. You know that she’s drunk which makes her more emotionally vulnerable but you also know how sensitive she’s always been and it’s not a weakness. She wears her emotions on her sleeve and it’s only ever made her kinder and wiser than she should be for her age. 

“I’m sorry,” she sobs. “I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you when Mat told me but I was so confused and upset that he was keeping it from us.” 

Then she’s crying even harder. “Oh god, what are we going to tell Mat?”

Truthfully, in the chaos of all this, you haven’t had the chance to think about what you’ll do about Mat. You know Liana won’t keep the truth from him and even if she did, word travels fast and he would eventually find out. You’re not certain he can mentally handle this, not with everything that’s going on between the two of you and his fragile relationship with Nora. He was just getting used to the fact that he has a daughter when Calista dropped the baby bomb on him and now to find out that it’s been a lie? You’ve no idea what he will do. 

“I don’t know,” you tell her honestly and sigh in relief when you see Jax’s car come into view. You stand up, helping her back to her feet just as Jax parks and gets out to help you. 

He looks worried but doesn’t say anything about yours or Liana’s appearance. Once you’re both settled in his car, he tells you he’s going to bring you both to his apartment for the night, obviously not feeling comfortable dropping you home when you’re upset and intoxicated. You know he’s right but all you want to do is curl up in your own bed. 

“Alright,” you agree eventually and he nods, starting the drive back to his place. You must nod off because the next thing you know, Jax is gently shaking your arm, waking you up. 

“I can’t carry you both in,” he jokes and you look back to see Liana completely knocked out. She grumbles when you wake her but she’s coherent enough to walk.

Jax’s boyfriend, Eli, already has their guestroom set up so you get Liana in the bed and then situate yourself on the air mattress. Jax leaves with a promise to check on you both throughout the night and if you weren’t so worried about Liana, you would tell him not to worry but you’re not taking any chances with her.

You lay awake for a while, not able to get the image of Calista drunk and with another guy out of your head. You don’t know how to tell Mat about it and Liana probably won’t either but eventually you drift off to sleep.

. . .

The next morning, you wake before Liana. Jax came in and checked on you both a few times before deciding that it was okay to leave you so you’re surprised to find him awake when you make your way out to the kitchen. It’s just past 8 o’clock but he’s cooking breakfast, singing off tune to Taylor Swift.

“Hey,” you say softly, sitting at the breakfast bar. You know he’s going to want an explanation because even though he let you off the hook last night, he’s going to want to know why Liana was crying and you had vomit on your shoes when he picked you up. 

“Morning,” he replies, placing a coffee in front of you and a piece of plain toast. You can feel his eyes watching you eat and once you’re done, he looks at you expectantly. 

“We saw Calista at the bar last night,” you explain. “Drunk and with some random guy.”

“Huh,” he says, so you look at him. His face is neutral, not showing if he’s surprised. 

“What does huh mean?”

“I mean, you did say something was off about her.” 

That was putting it lightly because although you couldn’t tell him the full story in fear that Marlee would lose her job, you did express your concerns about her without telling him that you knew she wasn’t pregnant. 

“Yeah,” you sigh. 

You hear shuffling from the guest room and look to see Liana walking into the kitchen. She plops down next to you and groans.

“I’m never drinking again,” she says and you can’t help but chuckle despite the circumstances. 

“Said every hungover person ever,” you say and a small smile crosses her face before she frowns, clearly remembering last night's events.

“I have to tell Mat,” she says. “It’s not fair to him that she lied.”

You sigh but nod in agreement. 

“I have to pick Nora up from my moms,” you tell her. “Are you okay to tell him yourself?” 

You really don’t want to be there when Mat finds out, not when you’re dealing with your own feelings towards him. 

“Yeah,” she says, eating the toast Jax offers her. 

You both finish your coffee and then Jax drives you to your apartment and you drop Liana home before picking Nora up. 

She’s ecstatic to see you, telling you everything she did with grandma from the moment you dropped her off until now picking her up. 

“And then, Millie hissed at me but Gizmo barked and scared her away,” she takes a deep breath before continuing her ramblings. “Can we get a kitten?” 

“You’re allergic, remember?” You remind her, and then a thought pops into your mind. Where did she see your mother’s neighbor's cat? “Where did you see Millie?” 

“Mrs. Turner invited us over for tea,” she tells you and then offhandedly adds: “she asked about you and Mat.” 

This doesn’t surprise you because Mrs. Edna Turner is quite the gossiper. You have trust in your mother that she didn’t tell Edna anything private but you’re still curious what exactly they talked about and you know that your child can be sneaky when she wants to be. 

“What did Mrs.Turner ask?” you ask, rolling your eyes when she sighs dramatically and puts her tablet away. 

“Well, first she asked if Mat was really my daddy and when Grandma said yes, she said ‘that poor child’,” she says, face scrunching up in confusion. “What does that mean?”

You make a mental note to talk to your mom about bringing Nora to any future tea parties at Mrs. Turner’s. 

“Nothing,” you assure her. “What else did she say?”

“She told grandma that if she were you, she wouldn’t move me to New York.” Her eyes narrow and she frowns. “I thought you said we weren’t moving to New York.”

“We’re not.”

“Then how come Mrs.Turner said that?” she demands.

“‘Cause Mrs. Turner doesn’t know how to mind her own business,” you mumble and then sigh, looking at Nora so she’s listening. “We’re not moving to New York, okay?” 

She nods and then smiles. “Can we go get ice cream?” 

“Yeah, we can go get ice cream,” you tell her even though it’s nearly dinner. 

Every once in awhile, ice cream for dinner is in order.

. . .

It’s past midnight when there’s a quiet knock on your door, and the only reason you’re awake to hear it is because Liana let you know she told Mat the truth about Calista. She told you that he had left the house as soon as she told him that morning and hadn’t returned home all day. You were expecting a text from him but your phone was silent and that worried you even more.

So, when you open the door to find Mat standing in front of you, red rimmed eyes and looking about two seconds away from crying, you don’t hesitate to let him inside. He slips past you and toes his shoes off before going straight for the couch and sitting down on it. You hesitate, but eventually settle down next to him. 

He’s resting his elbows on his knees, hiding his face in his hands and it takes you a minute to realize he’s crying silently. 

“Mat…” 

“I just - fuck, I thought that this was my second chance, you know? It wasn’t ideal but I would get to do all the things I missed with Nora,” he says, scrubbing his hands over his face. “I was such an idiot.”

It’s not a dig towards you but you still can’t shake the guilt you always feel when he talks about everything he didn’t get to see. Her first steps, first words, first day of kindergarten. All the things you can never get back. 

“It’s not your fault,” you say gently. “You couldn’t have known.”

“I should’ve,” he mumbles and before you can say anything, you hear soft footsteps coming down the hallway. You look to see Nora, rubbing her eyes sleepily and frowning when she sees Mat. 

When he realizes she’s there, he wipes his eyes hastily but it’s not fast enough because Nora walks over to him and deepens her frown.

“Are you okay?” she asks quietly, reaching out and touching his cheek that’s still damp. 

Mat looks like he’s going to say that he’s fine but seems to change his mind last minute. He smiles sadly and shakes his head.

“Not really, peanut,” he tells her and the frown on her face deepens even more than you thought possible. 

“Mama says hugs make things better when you’re sad,” she says, sounding much wiser than a six-year-old should sound. Then, without asking, she climbs up onto his lap and wraps her tiny arms around his neck and hugs him. You can see the moment Mat breaks, hugging her back gently and it’s like all the tension drains from his body. 

You call it the “Nora Effect”, because her little hugs always seem to make you feel better.

“I’m so sorry, Nora,” you hear Mat whisper and you know he’s going to beat himself up over everything that’s happened with Calista - and Nora deserves his apologies, but your kid is one of a kind and you know that she will forgive him.

With time, if he proves himself, he’ll have a place in her life and you can’t wait to see what the future holds for them. 

authors notes: so calista is goneeeee FINALLY. she wasn't supposed to be here as long as she was but I got too carried away with that storyline and i'm glad it's over lol also, I had mixed thoughts about having mama be the one who told Mat that Calista was lying but I just couldn't get it right so I figured next best thing would be Liana! ps: millie is named after my own cat who i will put a pic of in the comments below

tag list: @literatureluster @dasiysthings @diary-of-jj @heatherawoowoo @fallinallincurls @lovinbarzal @whatthepuckisgoingon @teapartydreams @alilstressyandlotdepressy @keiva1000 @hischiershoe @bellstwd

@alwaysclassyeagle @brrbrina @nonsensical-nonsence @love-like-woaah @swift-sos @barzygirl13 @ilyrafe

if you want to be added or taken off the list, please let me know :)

[wintfleur]

🍂 ͡ ꒱ ₊ ⊹‹𝟹˚.‧₊ HAUNTING ME ⊹ au masterlist

━━━ ❛ i know if I’m haunting you, you just be haunting me

── ୨୧ 𝓹airing : Mat barzal x f!Leclerc f1 driver (oc) x Quinn Hughes

── ୨୧ 𝓢ummary : being the only female f1 driver was a lot to handle, but thankfully Julie had her two lovers to help her through it

˖ ་ you can find everything for the AU under #🍂 ͡ ꒱ Juliette Leclerc

˖ ་ you can find asks under #💌julietteleclerc!

˖ ་ you can fine everything for the couple under #⋆ ˚｡⋆୨🤎୧˚ Juliette’s lovers

˖ ་ you can find anything smutty under #⋆ ˚｡⋆୨🎞️୧˚ smutty lovers

∿ ABOUT OUR GIRL !

Juliette’s profile

her discography (coming soon)

∿ HER RELATIONSHIPS !

her with mat and quinn

her with her brothers

mat & quinn’s relationship with her family

her with her besties (coming soon)

∿ BLURBS !

Lights, camera, acción!

It’s not living if it’s not with you ( headcanons )

∿ FICS !

∿ SOCIAL MEDIA AUS !

∿ ASKS !

Juliette’s famous ex’s

more background on the couple

Juliette at the playoffs

long distance thoughts

cuddle thoughts

mat and quinn at her races

their favorite types of dates

nicknames

favorite short n’ sweet songs

∿ MOODBOARDS !

Juliette mb

∿ SMUTTY THOUGHTS !

°. — taglist ( @cixrosie @toasttt11 @lovings4turn )

°. — ( this is an interactive AU! So feel free to send any requests of things you would like to see in this series, or if you just want to share some thoughts! I would absolutely love that! Please comment if you would like to be added to the tag list! )

﹕─┈ copyright © 2024 you can't copy, translate, reproduce, repost my fic, use my plot or layouts.

©️WINTFLEUR

[behoright]

console me l m. barzal

how it feels to rest / on your patient lips

summary: as angry as mat is after the season loss, he cannot hide it from you. mostly plotless smut

wordcount: 4.6k

warnings: minors DNI! 18+ only. smut, sexual situations that include rough sex, degrading language and behaviors, pain/pleasure dynamics, pet names, consent break/check, bodily fluids. mentions of size difference and love lol.

a/n: for all my sad, islanders girlies. masterlist is fixed! muah.

read me please:  i cannot say this any more clearly: this is not for everyone. read at your discretion. the warnings are stated as clearly as i can my loves. my inbox is always open to have any discussion about writing, relationships, sex, bdsm and kink. if this makes you uncomfortable or simply is not your cup of tea, move on my dear. love u guys always.

⊹　 　　🎧　 　　 ⁾⁾　

It really took only a day to figure out.

As much as he tried to hide it, leave it at the rink.

Anger. 

Mat had never been so pissed before. 

For once, he knew that he had given it his all. 

He had sacrificed, time and time again. 

Played through sickness, injuries, birthdays, and special events. 

Harder than ever before.

Despite knowing that everything passes, he couldn’t shake the thought, or perhaps the fact, that there had been other factors that cost the team the cup. 

Things out of his control. 

And it drove him to the edge every night.

Having to see his teammates get more disappointed with every passing second on the ice. 

Knowing that their dream was slipping away from them, no matter how much he had clawed and fought to hold on. 

He spent extra time at the gym, on the ice, hours after the last painful loss, just to attempt to get rid of the anger. 

But it wasn’t working. 

Instead, it just fueled the apparent neverending and burning cycle.

The last thing he wanted to do was bring his negativity home. 

Back to you. 

To the safe haven you had both built so meticulously. 

The only person that stood by his side, in every sense of the word, didn’t deserve to take the brunt. 

However, you could see the cracks. 

He was very good at veiling it, but not good enough for you. 

The past couple days had brought you a huge sense of gratitude, knowing you were in a relationship that stripped your souls and bodies. 

Fully being yourselves at all times. 

So, as you packed to begin your various summer travels, you knew you had no other choice.

Something was pounding, deep from inside you, to open this door for you two. 

You stood in your shared room, watching Mat’s muscular back crouched down in the walk in closet as he messily threw his shirts in his luggage.

“Mat?” you called him, voice shaky.

“Hmm, babe?” he asked, still packing. 

“How are you feeling?”

The question wasn’t anything new, a domestic ritual you two had to keep your connection based in truth wholly. 

Since you had both promised to listen without any stories or distractions in exchange for the complete truth, every single time, it had become easier to share.

“Well, love…” he sighed, not daring to face you as his face stiffened, your question bringing up his most repressed feelings. “I’m angry. I’m fucking frustrated at how it all ended, you know?”

“You are?” you said, walking towards him, picking at the skin on your hands nervously.

“Yeah, baby. It’s okay, I mean, it’ll pass. But I’m angry.”

“Take it out on me.” you blurted out, strong in your stance and words, now only a couple of feet behind him. “Fuck me as hard as you can.”

Mat stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes widening as his mind emptied, only being able to stare at the half empty suitcase in front of him. 

Whether he liked to admit it or not, he knew that you could see right through him. 

There was no hiding from the woman he loved. 

“I know that we’ve talked about this before but… are you sure you can handle it?” he questioned, turning around to look at you. 

“I know I can, Mat.”

“Baby…”

The overhead warm light surrounded your head like a halo as he looked up at you. 

He wondered, during a poetic moment, how his angel could be giving herself over to him like this. 

“I’m asking for it.” you said, taking a step closer to him. “Can you handle it?”

For a moment he forgot that his sweet angel was no such thing behind closed doors. Ever since the first night, he saw that dark fire inside you, and it hadn’t gone out in years. 

Mat was the perfect fan to your flames.

“Oh, so it’s like that huh?” Mat answered, his lips curling up into a smirk as he stood up to tower over you. “Will you tell me if you need me to stop?”

“Yes.” you gulped as you two stood just inches apart. “I remember my word.”

“You do, huh?” he asked as you saw his feet take one last step towards you, the fabric of his shirt ghosting over yours.

“I can take it.” you repeated, getting lost in his eyes as you looked up into his dark eyes.

“Yeah, we can take it, right, baby?” he uttered, his fingers wrapping around the sides of your neck as his eyes looked down upon you. “We fucking can.”

His lips finally met yours, Mat’s tongue swiping feverishly on your bottom lip before invading your mouth, drippingly meeting yours in a heated makeout session.

The belligerence of his kiss sent a moan reberverating inside his open mouth. 

Mat loved to make out. He could do it for hours, until his cock began to twitch restlessly in his denim. 

He opened his mouth fully, letting you invade each other messily. 

Lately, he had taken it as far as to spit in your mouth. Not forcefully, but just letting a trail of spit drip from the tip of his tongue into your throat, the height difference coming to his advantage.

It felt so fucking primal to him that it always sent you flying against a wall everytime he’d see the look of passion and satisfaction in your eyes after you swallowed his saliva.

“Is this what you’ve been thinking about? All those times I was heated, venting at you?”

he asked, forcing you to take steps back into the bedroom, still holding you tightly, the tips of his fingers pushing against the ridges of your scalp. 

“Yes.” you whispered into a kiss. The sensual murmur drove him to bite your bottom lip, pull it towards him as he stopped your motions.

“Oh, what is wrong with you, baby? That’s so fucking bad.” he said, watching the bite swell up exquisitely as you smiled, enticing him into more kisses. 

More spit, boiling into each other and pushing each other unconsciously as you two ondulated in your heat. He began to shove himself intensely against you, getting more of those moans he loved so much. 

“You can’t even be quiet when I kiss you.” he said, shaking his head slowly as his hand came to rest on the front of your neck. He flinched backwards when you attempted to kiss him again. 

It was his bedroom now.

“Come here.” he barked, sitting down on the bed. “This will shut you up.”

He didn’t have to repeat himself before you kneeled in front of him, not even giving him a chance to undo his pants before your mouth salivated over him. He rested his long fingers on your shoulder, almost keeping you tamed as he pulled out his erection.

“Eager, eager girl.” he chuckled, watching you leap onto him.

You wished you could take him entirely the second your tongue met the salty precum that had dribbled down his shaft, but that had never been a possibility. 

Unbeknownst to you, Mat fucking loved it. 

He adored that you struggled to take him, that you wanted so hard to swallow him whole at a first try. 

His head fell back, exposing his thick adam’s apple as it thumped in his throat, Mat trying to hide his gulps every time your lips wrapped around him lower and lower. 

You knew just how to please him, swirling your tongue and hollowing your cheeks just at the right minute spots that still took his by surprise every single time.

Mat felt your desperation as you kept taking him down, so eager to please him. For a second, it enchanted him, filling him with gratitude that he had a partner that so badly wanted to destress him. 

However, it was short-lived.

It was not what you wanted, or what he needed.

“Fuck.”

It felt good, his toes slowly beginning to curl as he felt strings of precum coat the back of your throat, but the more he channeled the feeling that he had pushed away for so long, the more restless he became.

Every time you gagged, your muscles would clench around him, shocking him with exhilarating stimulation.

“Sit up. Now.” he said, strictly, jumping out of his experience. You tentatively moved away from him, the only thing connecting you two now being a sloppy trail of saliva.

“Baby, I-, I-...” you said, uncertainly.

“You what? Hmm?” he asked, undressing as you stared at him dumbfounded. 

Throughout the years, Mat had never sounded so stern in the bedroom as he did now. 

“You asked for angry Mat, didn’t you?” he continued, tapping your head demeaningly in an effort to sit you up. “Beggars can’t be choosers, doll.”

The register in his voice was forceful and humiliating enough to send your desire running down the inside of your thighs, his muscular hands working on practically ripping your clothes off so harshly that he had thrown you off balance a couple of times.

Your heart began to race in anticipation as he silently threw the half-trashed garments through the room. 

He was decisive, precise in his actions, and it made you slightly trepid.

Prolepsis and nerves mixing acidly in your stomach; you knew you had the choice to revoke consent anytime, but you were grounded enough to know that Mat was the safest man to do this with.

Apart from working up to it for months now, and seeing him slowly come out of his shell and let go further every time he got you to himself behind closed doors, you knew how much you wanted this. 

Your body knew as well, your blood rushing rapidly to your cunt as he kept grazing against your skin, snapping the back of your bra before discarding it mindlessly. You could feel the flames of his subjugated feelings simmering again, coming to the surface the more he got out of his head and into his body, his breath becoming deeper and hotter against your skin, breathing out frustration with low, vibrational groans.

“Get on the bed.” he yapped as soon as you were fully naked, his hand pushing you a tad bit too potently onto your bed; so much so that you naturally rested your sweaty limbs on the blankets on all fours.

“Look how wet you are. You’re not embarrassed?” he spit out, running his finger up your slit sloppily as he set himself behind you. “I haven’t even touched you, Y/N.”

He was just a hair over the line, authoritative in his colloquy and pinpointing his acts precisely to get you where he wanted. 

He didn’t care to run himself on your slit, not tonight, his cock still dripping with your thick spit. He thrusted entirely into you, his pounding head coming in contact with your cervix instantly, making your body barely jolt forward. 

“You should be fucking ashamed, Y/N, not moaning.” he barked, as he began to move painfully slow. His thick length, running in and out of your tight walls at a lethargic pace. 

Still, feeling every inch so powerfully split you apart with no preparation, the ridges of his member and his veins skimming your engorged insides ripped moans out of you like never before. 

“You just love being a fuck toy for me, don’t you.” he said, roughly intensifying the grip on your hips as he gradually sped up his movements. He sounded just as rough, doing his best to hold back any signs of satisfaction, but it wasn’t easy. He had made you into a mess so quickly and it mostly came down to his demeanor. 

Ever since he met you, he knew he’d treat you right and respectfully, only you.

He never cared to seem friendly to other girls, truthfully; because he had you. 

The only girl that had naturally commanded such a soft love and tenderness out of him. It was almost ironic to him how the tougher he was with you in between the sheets, the more you melted. 

And god, did he love to see you like this.

Spread vulnerably and already on the brink after a handful of thrusts. 

It drove him mad, struggling to keep any self-control just to have you on a tittering edge. 

But feeling you drip around him, your yearning for him ebbing and flowing out of your pussy as it mixed with the spit that you’d left on his cock, now all of it mixing and coating both of you. 

“Yeah, my little doll.” he said, masking his exasperation as he found a steady rhythm that made your ass recoil delightfully against his pelvis, the chiseled V that framed his cock pounding hard into your flesh as you began to see stars.

Your mouth was stuck open, wanting his call out his name miserably but finding it impossible as the tension kept building within you, tightening your pussy all around and sending shivers down his back as his legs began to tense, inch by inch.

He groaned deeply, squeezing his eyes shut and striving to pivot on that feeling he adored so much, all the sensations that came with being buried deep inside you. 

But all he found was that anger.

The emotion he had tried to leave at work, to get past.

The one that you had noticed.

For good reason, because it was unignorable.

And so he focused on it, the frustration that he had accumulated for months beginning to expand and find its way insidiously through every vessel, every corner of his being. His jaw clenched, the more he let it take over him, the more pleasure would grow, passing from you to him and burning brightly in his belly.

The hinges of the bed creaked and slammed against the wall, his bedframe scratching against his beloved wooden floor as his ears were blessed with your saccharine moans, leaving you unexpectedly and unplanned. 

Your body knew how to take him precisely as his thrusts moved you forward, encouraging all the natural sounds to come out of you instinctively. 

He was afraid that if he let go of your hips that he would lose it. 

He was afraid that he’d pound you right into the mattress; instead, he had a set intention to make this last, to see how far he could take you.

Mat had never heard you sound so beautiful, he thought, just as his rage came to a peak; he could feel his joints begin to sore as he gave it his all, unwilling to stop and let go, fully zoned into unloading his stress. 

He never knew it would bring you so much bliss as he looked down and saw the consequences, heavenly squelching echoing against his growls. He knew you were losing it, micro mannerisms in your body letting him see that you were reaching your orgasm hastily. 

He didn’t need to see your face.

He knew that that familiar blush had knocked at your door, covering your cheeks expansively as your moaning got more high-pitched and frenetic, your pussy twitching around his moving cock. 

“Slow down, you’re making a fucking mess.” he commanded, smugly knowing it would allow it to rip through you, just as it did. 

His knuckles turned white just as yours did, the grip on your sheets fatally unyielding as you let go, coming over Mat. 

The pleasure sparking every synapse in your brain, the cozy feeling flashing through you over and over again as he kept fucking, still roughly and aggressively. 

“You’re fucking gushing.” he said, brave enough to let a hand come down, hard on your ass. The nonchalant tone of disgust in his voice made your whole body light up, tiny bumps forming on your skin at his words as you began to come down from your orgasm.

Mat kept relentlessly, only speeding up, just edging at the border of being too much. As he hit the same spot over and over again, forcefully, your limbs became weak, succumbing to the tremoring that Mat was sending through your system. 

The more you came on him, the more degrading he’d become, periodically spitting onto your core. You knew it wasn’t for any functional purpose more than for humiliating pleasure, giving you everything you craved and more. You couldn’t ask for more, his groans and insults filling up the room; however, the needier you acted, the more Mat would crack under you. 

And the more you pretended you didn’t notice it, the harder your eyes would roll back. 

“You’re so fucking loud, god damn. I’d tell you to shut up, but I know you can’t do it, you’re so heated up.”

Your muscles started to twitch faintly as he snuck his hand around you to rub your clit vigorously, pushing against your skin with sadistic pressure. As much as you tried to get any words of warning out, your body betrayed you, falling pathetically flush against the mattress, the only thing leaving you a whimper. 

The movement wasn’t surprising to you; you had noticed the build-up and distress signals a while ago but had stupidly given in to the thrill instead. 

For Mat, however, it was a different story.

Seeing you tremble against his milky sheets, writhing around slowly and whimpering had him worried immediately. He pulled out swiftly before turning you around.

Thankfully, your eyes found each other, giving him an encouraging sign of lucidity from you.

“Look into my eyes. Are you okay?” he said, clenching his fingers underneath your chin. 

“M’kay.” 

Through blurry vision, you were able to find his dark gaze, regardless of how he was touching your face. The grip on your cheek was so protective and yet you couldn’t ignore the hedonism in his touch.

“What is it? I’m not going to keep fucking you if you’re lying to me.” he said, harshly.

Your brain had melted, completely caved into him, his energy and touch that had brought you to this place so quickly. The unfamiliar floaty feeling neighbored you as you began to tranquilize your boyfriend.

“I’m not lying.” you muttered lazily, gaining enough strength to prop yourself up on your elbows, your nose now touching his. “It just feels so good, Mat.”

Your confession took Mat by surprise. 

His worst fear was taking it all too far, unwillingly hurting you in any way, whether that be physically or otherwise. 

All the same, here you were, in all of your splendor under him, shaking from pleasure. 

It didn’t take long to realize that perhaps he had induced some sort of high, if that was possible.

“You need a kiss?” he asked, his eyes still diligently studying your face. “You need a kiss, don’t you, yeah, come here.”

It wasn’t frenzied or fiery, and still, it told him everything he needed to know.

“That’s all? Better?” he looked at you once more, running his mental checklist.

Eyes were good, skin not too flushed, she can kiss normally, and speak. Not dehydrated or pale.

“Much better.”

The transparency in your speech set in stone what he had thought of.

The words that so easily came out of him, his mannerisms and gestures had sent you haywire, quivering with vibrant intensity, the bliss forcing its way out of your pores, steaming from your skin.

“Good job.” he coaxed, mentally patting himself on the back with a smirk as you fell back down onto the cloudy mattress with a dreamy sigh, a hazy look fixated on him.

Drunk on pleasure, he thought, snickering.

“I bet you feel so dirty, don’t you?” Mat said, his chest heaving with warm sweat dripping from his stubble down onto his pecs. Vulnerability surrounded you both, your eyes running upon each other’s bodies. Taking this moment to pause made sure you were attending to each other fully and completely, the desire still consuming you thoroughly. In the quietness, Mat took his fingers and began running them down your abdomen, barely grazing your clammy skin. 

“I asked you a question, doll.” he said, moving his touch again up your centerline. You could only nod, his fingertips electrifying you with eternal bliss as they found their resting place on your plump lips. 

“Are you having trouble with your words?” he said, breathlessly mocking you before you stuck your tongue out, soaking his digits by letting them sit on you. 

After all, Mat didn’t think he could break any further. 

Until then. 

Seeing you embrace the feeling gave him the reassurance that he was subconsciously looking for.

He was incredulous at your actions, sticking your tongue out fully, with no shame or guilt, and only for him. 

Letting your spit absorb into his calloused skin, while more saliva pooled visibly at the back of your throat. 

Disgustingly.

And it made his throbbing cock twitch, heedlessly slapping against your cunt in a wet motion. 

“Fuck, angel.”

He pushed it further by entering your mouth and your pussy simultaneously, a choked moan surrounding his hand as your eyes flew back.

“That’s my fucking girl.” he said, his eyebrows furrowed as he wasted no time in his fucking, militantly filling you fully again. “Doesn’t it make you feel so good, baby?”

“It does.” you moaned, obediently answering his every question and request.

“Doesn’t it feel so fucking good to be so dirty for me?” he asked, flush taking over him again. 

It was so delightful to see him let go, fully, just as he thought the same about you. 

“So nasty, such a sick little girl.” he continued. “Turn around, come here.” 

Mat sat back on his heels, guiding you to sit on his cock. 

The will was stronger than logic, your thighs quivering as you sunk down on him. 

Mat always hit deeper at this angle, his cock bulging out on your lower tummy as your ass came flush with him.

“You’re so bad, so fucking bad. And look at you, you don’t even care.” he said, moving your hair to the side as his lips grazed against the shell of your ear.

“What would everyone say if they saw you acting like this, huh? Begging to take me after I’m so mean to you. After I slap you, choke you, and spit on you. After I say the most degrading fucking shit to you, you don’t care. It makes your panties drenched, doesn’t it?”

Mat’s hands ran up past your tummy and found a tight hold on your tits, variating between letting them bounce in his palm and gripping them so desperately that it left marks on you. Your chests moved in synch, up and down with your motions; you let your head fall back on his shoulder as you unavailingly rebounded briskly, tightening just at the perfect moment, when your opening came in touch with the delicious curve between his pelvis and the base of his cock. 

“Just as I fucking thought, you can’t even hold back.” he said, grinding ever so slightly against you. The recognizable feeling started to take over you for the millionth time, candied moans causing Mat to jolt against you unexpectedly and thrust deeper.

“You’re going to cum again, aren’t you?” he asked, slapping one of your breasts. “Your body gives you away so easily, angel face.”

He was solid under you, your loving foundation as more juices ran out of you, covering his thighs in sticky squirt, your whole being quivering in delight with his arms instinctively holding you through it. 

“That’s because you’re mine, yeah?” 

Your eyes, stuck on the ceiling, recognized just how close his face was to yours, gaze fixated on your expression as it furrowed and sweated the incessant orgasm. 

“Yeah, I don’t even have to fucking ask.” 

Mat kept talking, kept grinding, as his hands got more desperate, undecided between all the layers of skin and flesh. The more he focused on you, the more he felt like he couldn’t hold back any longer, and as much as he felt that most of the night, he knew that the simple intemperance that had built inside him was about to burst. 

“Look at you. You need more? You always fucking do.” he coaxed, settling his left hand on your throat as your whole body kept aching, spasming sweetly on top of him. 

Totally uncontrolled. 

Unaware of what liquids were leaving you and what noises you were making. 

Your brain only handling and pining for pleasure. 

More and more. 

“It’s never fucking enough for you, is it? You love it when I cross the line with you, you needy, needy girl.” he said, his grip on your throat tightening slightly enough to make your dotted vision fill with sparkles. 

Your head snapped up as your abdomen contracted, almost painfully sore, finally letting you breathe deeply as your body gave you a second to recuperate. 

Tears involuntarily left the corners of your eyes, perhaps from the delectation of it all, the intensity, the overwhelm, or the tiredness. 

“It feels so, so good. You make me feel so good.” you managed to find the strength to whisper against Mat’s lips before letting yours fall on top of his in a loving kiss. 

“Oh, god, you’re going to make me cum, baby.” 

Mat’s voice quivered, as he stared into you; he had never breathed deeper and yet hyperventilated at the same time, just as he'd never felt so much rage and frustration mixed with pleasure all at once. 

“Like that, like that, like that.” he said, through gritted teeth. “Fucking look at me.” 

He grabbed your chin roughly, your face pouting under his touch in the cutest way, he thought. “Like that, baby, fuck.”

Mat exclaimed loudly as he colvulsed forward, his cum filling your tight hole with a growl so deep that you felt yourself vibrate at the power in his voice. You sloppily kept jumping on his dick, every single muscle of his being flexing in concentration and gratification as his warm seed seeped inside you and overflowed, running down his hips before he had the chance to pull out. 

“Oh, fuck, baby.” he moaned, breathlessly. You finally fell, completely limp, into the puddle that he made you in since the beginning. 

“That’s okay, that’s okay, fall into my arms.” Mat reassured, still firing under you. “You did so good. You were so, so good, angel.”

Mat had enough of a size advantage on you to manhandle you, this time turning you both onto your sides after a couple of quiet moments, keeping his cock warm still inside your folds. 

“I love you, I love you, baby. So much. Thank you, thank you. Come here.” he whispered against you, running his hand through your locks as he pulled you closer to him by your waist. 

“Are you good, baby?” he said, watching you nod with a sweet smile on your face. “Why are you crying?”

“It just felt so good, babe.” you reassured him, turning slightly to play with his shining chain that sat damply on his collarbones. 

“I would never hurt you, yeah? You’re safe with me.” he whispered into your cheek in between kisses. “I got you always, babe. Nothing’s going to hurt you while I’m here.”

“I know, baby, I love you.” you said, your eyes into his. “Are you okay, Mat?”

“Oh, baby, yes, yes I’m okay don’t worry. Was I too rough? Too mean? You can tell me, love.”

“No, no, it was perfect.” you repeated. You’d say it as many times as it was needed. 

“Good. You were perfect.” he said. 

You didn’t know, but he thought the same. Reassurance had no limit for him.  

“I see you, I see you fully and I love you, I love everything about you.”

“I love you more, Mat.” you said in between kisses. “Do you feel better now?”

“Oh, baby. So much fucking better.”